I don't feel good

I have had this tickle in my throat since New Years that has become a full fledged illness. It couldn't have come at a worse time because I have training for my new job. It sucks because it's my first real grown up job and I don't want to fuck it up. But I can't sleep.
There used to be this old commercial for throat spray where this little girl would think "It'll hurt if I swallow, it will hurt if I swallow' Then yells out,"Mommy!" And her mommy comes in with throat spray. Now that I'm a grown up all I can do is watch CNN and the Daily Show and feel sorry for myself. No ones gonna get me throat spray. I have to get up for work at seven in the morning.
One cool thing is that I have that sexy raspy voice that makes me either sound like Kathleen Turner or a drag queen. I feel like calling someone up and talking dirty to him. Man, Steve if you didn't have that fucking girlfriend. At least with a new job there are new possibilities of meeting new guys.
I keep looking down to my left and seeing my copy of "The Female Eunuch" by Germaine Greer. In the name of sisterhood I want to read it but I just can't focus. It's just so damn intense! Those woman had a rough battle to fight and here I am all unable to get through the first chapter. I should hand in my vagina licence, I'm not worthy to drive.