Update

I love the smell of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, so much that I wish it came in perfume form. I use insomnia as a weapon against “The System”. Carrots make me gag. Underwear should be colorful. I have a master’s Degree in Ikea Furniture construction and a PhD in Moving from one small space to another. I want to start making my own clothes. I actually enjoy working out at a gym. Precocious children should be sent to live on a little island far away restaurants and sitcoms. Guilt doesn’t work on me. I’m afraid of being too well-adjusted. When people don’t get my jokes it’s because they take themselves too seriously. Anderson Cooper and John Stewart make me feel like a giddy schoolgirl; I’d even wear the little outfits if they so requested. My bed has five pillows and I use all of them. I believe that the world should change mainly through social reform. Big noses are sexy. I’m always the first person to realize how ridiculous I am. I’ve written two plays. I am seven units away from a B.A. in Theater Arts. I went all the way to Rome only to eat at Planet Hollywood. I read at least three books at a time. I always mix up Edward James Olmos with James Earl Jones. More money should be given to non-profit organizations. My family and I tried out for the Family Feud and were rejected for not be enthusiastic enough. I do believe hell is for children.