Catching up...

I plan on using the secret language of babies to take over the world. I’m fantastic at picking out gifts for other people. In fact if I were a superhero I’d be called Special Occasion and would be called to weddings and birthday parties to transform awful gifts into perfect ones. Recently, I’ve started to submit to sneezes, for the sake of the back of my skull. I really, really, really want to be an aunt. I’ve seen every episode of Rosanne. I have come to the conclusion that I’m not interested in dating, just string-less sexual encounters; now I just have to find the right guy. Ugly is the new pretty. I’ve never had a normal relationship. I used to feel bad about that until I realized that there are no normal relationships. I’ve chased strangers down and yelled at them for hurting my feelings, sometimes by car. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it centers around eating. One of the reasons I think I’ll never get married is because I’ll never find a man who’s a feminist. I’m looking forward to my thirties, so I can justify staying home on Friday nights. I’ve gotten my father hooked on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sex and the City and most recently, Family Guy. I’ve never bought anything from WalMart and never will. I got the spelling for my name from Miss America 1990. A part of me really likes Christmas, because I can be unapologetically cheesy, sentimental and greedy all at the same time. Rap music is our generation’s rock and roll and I love it. There’s a fantastic gay man trapped deep down inside of me and he’s slowly breaking free. Half-filled snow globes make me sad. I love Dum Dum Lollypops, especially Root Beer flavor. I’m not sure if I’m indifferent or just sleepy. I call my cat “Kitty Poo-Poos” and speak baby talk just to annoy her. I think its working. I have no single favorite movie, rather many different favorites based on genres and sub-genres. I don’t like myself right now, but I’ll get over it. I’d like to use the word ‘nog’ in everyday conversation and not just at Christmastime. My favorite smells are cinnamon, bbq, old books and vanilla. Serial killers fascinate me. I am a self-identified feminist. Sometimes during really sad songs I imagine that I’m in the middle of a movie montage because it makes my life seem more dramatic; like I’m struggling with my inner demons rather than sitting on the couch watching TV. I have major phone anxiety and want to french kiss the person who came up with text messaging. If I were brave enough to never wear make-up or shave my legs again, I would do so in a heartbeat. I still love Madonna, ABBA, Hall & Oats, Bryan Adams and Duran Duran. (And I always will!) If I ever understand why awful things happen, then I will just have to kill myself. I do believe love is a battlefield.