Tuesday, April 24, 2007

California is super cool to the homeless!

Did y'all see South Park last week? It had everything I loved from a tribute to zombie movies to ganster rap! Here's a YouTube link to my favorite scene, because I've posted way too many videos...

Okay, that is it! A blog about South Park? WTF? What has happened to me? I feel like I'm giving all my brain power to other areas of my life and when I come to writing my blog there's just nothing left. Hence all the videos. I come up with great ideas for posts when I'm in class or at Henry's Market, but when I go to write all I can think of is throwing a bunch of pop culture videos to distract you from the fact that I'm drawing a blank.

I know that certain people read my blog and would cater to them, but I'm not really interested in doing that any more. So, now I'm not sure what I want to say. I'm having an identity crisis I guess. Until I come up with some theme (it's about time since I've been writing this damn thing for over two years.) I want to incorporate my personal life without being so personal. I want it to be funny and express who I really am.

I read in my psychology book that low self-esteem might be a result of not getting to know yourself very well. It's like how can you like someone and speak well of her if you don't know her at all? It makes sense to me. I'm always trying to know more about myself because it gives me a degree of comfort.

Like now I'm challenging my attitude towards men and relationship. I've always picked assholes disguised as men who only wanted part of me which left me feeling worthless. Now, it's not my fault these guys are emotional cripples, but I'm the one hanging around begging them to do something they're never planning on doing. So, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm with a guy who is kind and patient. He's willing to wait for me to figure things out because he thinks I'm worth it. And he likes me. Alot.

I'm so used to my old pattern that I almost didn't give this guy a chance. You mean I don't have to convince this guy to want me leaving him with feelings of entitlement to where he's in charge of everything? Leaving me waiting, wanting and doing things I don't want to do just to keep this jerk in my life? Leaving me pissed off and feeling guilty? And when he finally picks another girl, they always pick other girls, I'm left with a brokenheart and wondering why I allowed him hurt me this much. These guys aren't bad people, I know that, but they're just too scared to be honest with me. And I'm really good in bed, so there's that too.

Now I'm giving something healthy, functional and equal a chance. So, we'll see how this goes. Okay, I've let it out. I feel better.

And that episode of South Park was kick ass. Go to the link


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