I'm a party animal.

Yeah baby! Just a crazy Saturday night reading psychological journal articles on depression and learned helplessness...watching Juno...cruising Google Analytics. (Hey all my peeps in Glendale and Inglewood! What's up Laguna Hills!? And Kathy in Burbank! Holla! New York represent! Red Bluff Woot-Woot!) If you're out there say Howdy!

I've only been blogging about once a month for a while, but now that I have way better internet access in my bedroom I'm gonna be all over this shit! Y'all are gonna be all up in the minute details of my life once again. Yay!

Speaking of internet in bedrooms, I've been perusing the free porn and let me say, wow! The vast array of objects being inserted into anuses alone is mind boggling. Did someone just ask himself one day, 'I wonder if this fist could go up some chick's ass? I gotta test that.'

Speaking of up the ass, I think that stick I've carrying around up there has finally been pulled out. I've decided that punishing myself for my past mistakes just sucks, so I'm not gonna do it anymore. That's really what I've been doing the last few months. Just moving the fuck on.

I don't know if this makes sense but I feel like I finally got married to my life. Like I committed to actually making an effort and doing something with my life. And with all commitment, it can be overwhelming and scary. I freak out from time to time longing for the good old days when I was footloose and debt-free. When I was kinda slutty and didn't give a shit.

What's kinda difficult is that the fear that was driving me before is gone and now I'm having to do this because I actually want to. I want to accomplish something because I'm still not sure I can do it. I still have to wake up everyday and say, No, you can't stay home and yes, you have to get up and go do it.

Basically, I'm a grown up.

So, I'm gonna get off the internet and go do some research. It's really interesting, actually. I always thought of learned helplessness as more of an internal mechanism, but actually it's a reaction to the external by saying that repeated exposure to an inescapable situation can affect one's mood, i.e. cause depression. Basically, being put in an inescapable situation can teach a person that he or she is helpless thus altering one's mood thus affecting how one behaves in regards other situations in his or her life. Nutters.

Anyhoo. I'm off.