You Know Who You Are,

I make this personal and direct. I am a fighter and I never give up. But I do change my mind from time to time. That's what I've done here. I say this in all sadness, hurt and anger, fuck off. Again.

I was starting to let you back in and that was worrying me; but I wanted to trust that the years we spent not talking had brought growth and maturity. It hadn't. Pity.

Fine. You can make a mess out of your life all you want. I'm too old to worry about that, being that my life is difficult as well. Of course my pity party is rather small to the swinging shindig of depression that you live in everyday, but I have many moments in which I feel and act like a ripe asshole. I guess understanding and compassion are just too difficult to muster in this sad state that you find yourself in. Yet, you expect it from everyone else. Hmm.

Now Kathy, being a dear friend, is worried that we won't be able to be around each other. So for her sake, I suggest that you get your head out of your rear and be decent to me if we are ever in the same room together (which will happen from time to time.) I want you to go to the parties and such, because you do need people. But don't expect more than civil behavior from me. I'm done with you as long as you're heading this destructive path. I don't trust you enough to risk it again.

I still love and care about you. Honestly I do. I had hoped that we could overcome the bullshit both of us bring to the table. Pretty silly and immature, huh? I bring plenty of my own BS, I admit it. Seeing you again after all these years has awakened feelings of hostility, affection and even a bit of lust that I thought were long gone. I don't always handle my emotions well and many times I've been passive aggressive. I apologize for that. I also know that I made the choice to contact you and so I take responsibility for my share of what has happened.

Get your shit together. Life is always going to be, even on the best of days, a little fucked up. Find a way to cope with that or else you will not last. You are too talented, smart and noble to go down like that. I will always hope the best for you. That you find some sort of peace and someone to love you.

Regards,

Debbye