Head cold in the working class

I think I'm at the beginning stages of a nasty cold. And it's really making me mad. I don't want to get sick, so I'm refusing to acknowledge how crappy I feel.

I'm done with my job at Macy's. Well, I quit going in and they haven't called to check up on me. So it's done. I didn't really like that job. I haven't really liked any job.

Well...I lived at this Christian Camp in the San Bernardino Mountains and ran the bookstore for a summer. I was 22 years old and I really liked that job. What I did all day was read, listen to music, dust and ring up sales. Most of the time the store was very quiet with the occasional local coming in to buy Christian paraphernalia and chat a bit. When I did have to deal with the campers it was either to explain the concept of sales tax or give the price of a box of gummy bears. At night I would go watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the maid, Bridgette. (No, she wasn't French.) She would tell me stories of how disgusting the campers were and the various disgusting items she would find in the cabins. That was my life for three months.

It was this summer that I went on a search for some sleeping pills so I could kill myself. This wasn't the first near attempt at suicide nor was it my last. (But that's another story.) I couldn't find anything amongst the other girls’ stuff, so I just went into my room and cried. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. There was a lot of pain and unhappiness in my life and the Way, the Truth and the Light was being very quiet about the entire situation. Being so young I didn't know that the pain would pass and my life would go on. I didn't know I could handle the pain that life would throw at me over and over again.

So that job ended and I came home. I came back the next summer as a camp counselor which sucked beyond the telling of it. Soon after I came back from that job I left the church. I haven't tried to kill myself since; thought about it but no attempts. I guess that's good for something.

Ugh. I feel like crap. I'm going to send my dad out to get some cold medicine.