Caution! Mixed Metaphors Ahead!

Lately, I've been using my brain a whole lot. Not in an everyday type of way, like figuring out how much to tip or reading an interesting article in a feminist magazine. It's more like pushing my ideas out of my brain as if I'm giving birth to thought. It's hard, frustrating work and sometimes it's a small ugly baby.

I also liken it to training for a marathon, while being overweight and out of shape. Each day is more stressful than the one before and I'm doing my best not to kick myself for getting into this position in the first place. Believe me, positive thinking isn't one of my strongest traits.

I keep hitting a mental wall in regards to my critical thinking. When that happens I usually distract myself by obsessing about things I have no control over, like analysing the behavior of the people in my life or watching TV until I'm numb. I don't have the freedom or time to do that anymore, so I've been forced to chip away at that damn wall with little rock hammer that's damn near worn down to the nub.

And you know what?

It's working. I'm starting to break through. It's all coming back to me, writing a paragraph and having a point. Or coming up with a well-thought out argument. Or even getting an A on a quiz when I barely studied. I'm starting to believe I might actually be intelligent someday. It's been a while, if ever really, since I've thought that way.