When you pretend that you're dead...

Actual conversations with customer:

Me: How can I help you?

Customer: (in heavy unknown accent): What do I owe the bank?

Me: Well I see that your current balance is $5.00 so you don't anything to the bank.

Customer: (mumble mumble) fees?

Me: Excuse me?

Customer: Can you take off the fees?

Me: Which fees would that be?

Customer: It's (mumble) thirty dollars.

Me: Well you got that fee because you wrote a check and didn't have the funds to pay for it.

Customer: Can you take it off?

Me: I'm sorry but I can't take the fees off unless it was a bank error.

Customer: You can't take the fees off?

Me: No, I'm sorry.

Customer: Why can't you take the fees off?

Me: Because it wasn't due to bank error.

Customer: What do I owe the bank?

Me: Fuck off.

No, not really. My job is so much fun...