On my sleeve...

I'm finding that I'm obsessing about weird things right now, like how my friend didn't answer an email, so maybe he's mad at me (which wouldn't be unusual for Brian, but most likely not the case.) Or did my other friend sound "weird" on the phone, or am imagining things? (Most likely I'm imagining things, right Becky? ;) All of a sudden I'm worried about our friendship, but it's all selfish. I just don't want anyone to leave me. I don't want to be alone with myself.

I love my friends very much, but I end up focused on how they feel about me rather than dealing with what I don't like myself. Plus, I’ve always depended on others in my life to give me my identity, which is why I’ve been so unhappy most of my life. Now I’m almost thirty and really don’t know who I am, what I want to do or what I believe in. I’m finding that no one can go with me down that road of self-discovery and that is very scary. But I’m a grown up now and have to take care of myself.

So, I’ve been all about the freak outs and clinginess lately. It’s like I’ve lost all my skin and I’m really sensitive to things that didn’t bother me before. Please have patience and understanding.