Hey, Guys. Wonder Joints.

I've come to a conclusion about my life. Once I was a popular girl who had lots of friends, but due to the politics of Jr. High I soon became a social outcast. Soon my friends were all social outcasts, but I was lucky because in the early nineties being angst ridden teen was quite trendy. In some ways I was cool again. All the popular girls who banished me were now wearing the thrift store style that I was mocked for a year before.

But the damage was done. I didn't want to be popular again. I wanted to be a freak. There was freedom in not caring about what the world around thought of me. I could create my own world in which Tori Amos, Tank Girl and The Rocky Horror Picture Show was the height of hip. And my friends and I had fun. A whole lotta fun.

I became popular again when I started going to church. I can't explain it but my friends and I were like Dawson's Creek, all the actions seemed to center around us. Then I left church and started entered the theater department of the college I attended. I just couldn't fit in with the kids there, mostly because after I left Christianity I was a deeply depressed angry intense person. I wasn't much fun to be around. Everyone was passionate about what they were doing and I was just drifting around indifferent to the world around me.

As I get older I start thinking about what kind of person I want to be. The conclusion I've come to is that I'm not cool. I've had moments where I was friends with the cool crowd, but I am NOT cool. Being cool means not being desperate or excited or silly or ever looking foolish. I will never be like those girls from Laguna Beach or hip like Hollywood starlets who seem to stroll about effortlessly through this world. Logic tells me that they must be human, yet it's so well hidden. My humanity is what makes me uncool, I guess.

That and the fact that I think robots are sexy: