Superfreak

I have a slight hangover. Mike had a birthday party last night and I had a little too much beer. One of the topics discussed amongst my friends was my sluttiness. I guess I'm a bit of a slut.

Well, I'm a bit of a slut in comparison to my friends. One is a self-imposed non-religious monk, another a born-again fundie Christian, another has been in a monogamous relationship for almost six years. Some of my friends are very sexually active, but they are male so I guess they’re not really sluts. One is dating a stripper for pete’s sake!

My own sexual history started at nineteen, ended at twenty, started again at twenty-two and ended again last June. For that period between twenty-two and twenty-eight I slept with nine people and made out with many more. I also talk frankly about sex with my friends. I like flirting and teasing boys. I've made out with men and women, some who were quite a few younger than me, some I was attracted to, some I wasn't. A few times, three I can remember, I've fooled around (heavy petting) with someone while other people were in the room. I've slept with guys I've met online. I had a one-night stand, once.

But does that make me a slut? Really, I do find myself attracted to many men, but I've never just indiscriminately sleep with some loser who paid attention to me (make out maybe but not sleep with, well not since I was in my early twenties) I also know that outside my circle of friends I'm pretty normal, even prudish. So why this need to call me slutty? Even in jest?

I'm not mad or even hurt that I have this reputation among my friends. I know my friends are joking and I also like to joke about my amorous adventures. I think sex is funny. It's most certainly undignified. It’s easy to do. Sex isn’t the problem.

It’s more of a judgement of how a person should treat sex. I always feel that because I’m a woman I’m expected to have a reserved respect for sex. If it’s not love then it should at least be some emotional attachment. Even more so now that I’m quickly creeping towards thirty.

Things have loosened up since Erica Jong and her “zipless fuck.” Yet, in this day and age my sexual history is still considered rather slutty. And that is still a bad thing. I don’t want my sex life to be political. I don’t want to use it to push boundaries or open people’s minds.

But here I am, compelled to titillate, open up minds or just make people uncomfortable. Maybe I’m just trying to figure it out for myself. Maybe I just want to get laid. After ten months I must say, this slut is lonely.