Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Three wonderful days off...

Day one, Saturday: Woke up. Did some laundry. Ran two miles. Got ready to go to Shawna's Passion Party. Realized I was forty-five minutes late to pick up Kathy. Drove to the Inland Empire. Became instantly depressed. Got to Shawna's condo ate some snacks and drank some boozed up punch. Became drunk instantly. Rubbed some nasty smelling lotions on various parts of my body. Made some off-color jokes about the penis size of an old lover. Applied creme that made my vagina minty fresh. Mourned the loss of my dignity. Laughed until I almost peed my pants while Kathy wore a strap on. Took pictures of Kathy while wearing said strap on. Bought a Silver Bullet and book about how to give head. Left Shawna's place and went to Starbucks with Kathy and Jennifer. Talked about old times and laughed a lot. Almost fell asleep while driving home. Made it home safe.

Day Two, Sunday: Woke up at 10:00 AM which amazed even myself. Cleaned up my apartment. Cleaned up my apartment. Then I cleaned up my apartment. Went to Kathy's house. Michael answered the door to tell me Kathy and Becky weren't there. Sat in silence while Michael watched "Sin City". Kathy and Becky came back. Gave Becky smoky eyes. Jennifer and Angela showed up. Went to dinner. Made Angela laugh so hard she did a spit take. Felt a pride I have never known. Went to my apartment. Walked to club. Was told I couldn't bring my camera in club. Had to walk to my apartment. Rubbed the skin off my heel. Felt rather sorry for myself. Changed shoes. Becky wondered if Kathy would be mad if we decided to stay and watch a movie. Realized that the Wrath of Kathy would be more than we could handle. Went back to club. New shoes were so wonderful I wanted to kick my ass for not wearing them in the first place. Made it back to club. Walked past line like I was Paris Hilton. Found Kathy, Jen and Angela. Bought my first Jack and Coke. Danced. Tried to catch the eye of a hottie. but I think he had a date. Saw Richard Blade. Bought my second Jack and Coke. Sat down on couch. Bored. Decided to get drunk. Bought my third Jack and Coke. Becky witness to some crazy guy. He told her that Jesus will let one own ten Mexicans if one becomes a Christian. Left club. Hung out at apartment for a while. Took off bra. Everyone left. Went to sleep at 3:00 AM.

Day Three, Monday: Woke up and lazed around the house. Cleaned out my car. Accidently broke a bottle of wine all over the front seat of my car. Misplaced my keys. Had panic attack while looking for keys. Found keys. Left for my parents house. Hit traffic. Saw dead body on freeway. Contemplated life, death and fate. Bought some Taco Bell. Made it to my parents house. Cut some ribbon. Bitched about George Bush with my Dad. Did some more laundry. Left for home. Realized that car smelled like winery. Hoped that I didn't get pulled over and get arrested for drunk driving. Went to bed at midnight.

Now back to the daily grind...