Today...

~ I came to the conclusion that four apples equal one item if they're in the same bag. You wouldn’t separately count all the potato chips in a bag of Baked Lays, right?

~ Being unlucky is better than being in my early twenties.

~ I sweated through two t-shirts, three pairs of panties and a sports bra. I also drank about 60 ounces of water and took two showers.

~ I wished, for about the millionth time, that I was a gay man.

~ I planned my wedding to Anderson Cooper.

~ My air-conditioner started to rattle and then it spit out little chunks of ice.

~ I thought to myself that the local Ralph’s would rock hardcore if they sold individually wrapped rolls of toilet paper.

~ It was better to be cynical than to pollyanna my way through a difficult situation.

~ I packed up my life.

~ I leave the conclusion up to you.