That's why I'm easy...

Sunday is great for laying around in bed and watching all the Discovery Channel programs like "200 lb Tumor", "I am my Own Twin", "Born with Two Heads", "When Surgical Tools get Left Behind", etc. More often than not there is some grisly surgery scene with a close up of some poor sucker's pink and bubbly colon. I can't watch gory slasher films but show me an open heart surgery and I'm riveted.

Today, though, I'm watching "Wild Weddings" on TLC which I find much scarier than any operation. It's basically home videos of wedding mishaps and strangeness. Because of this I have decided on some conditions if I ever have a "w-word":

~No children in the ceremony ~ I don't like them in everyday life, so why should I have some little brat fucking everything up and stealing attention from me?

~No theme wedding ~ If you have to get into character to get married, you shouldn't get married.

~No shoving of the cake in the face ~ If this one is violated then there shall be no oral of the sex.

~No using the mouth to take off the garter belt while his "boys" cheer him on ~ Just writing that made me puke a little in my mouth.

~No silly games involving balloons and blindfolds ~ You don't even want to know.

Anyhoo, I'm going to clean up my apartment and waste the day away.