Drowsy, Heavy Eyed, Lethargic, Sluggish, Tired, Drained, Worn Out, Exausted, Fatigued, Dead Beat, All In, Weary, Shattered, Dog Tired, Ready to Drop..

I’m forced to take sleeping pills. Well, no one’s forcing me but it’s as if I have no choice in the matter. It’s sleeping pills or up until 6 AM. I want to take the sleeping pills that cause violence and sleep eating. It’ll remind me of my childhood.

I used to sleep eat all the time. I’d wake up to melted popsicles still in the package or stuffing handfuls of cereal into my mouth. I was chubby back then as well. I think there’s a connection there.

I would also kick and claw people when I slept. That is when I slept with people. It’s one of the reasons I can’t sleep with anyone without high levels of anxiety. I end up with no sleep on the very edge of the bed resentful of my bedmate’s restful REM state. If it was a boy I was dating was sleeping soundly I would flop around to wake him up. I wouldn’t even have sex with him. How mean am I?

The sleeping pills aren’t working. I’d try booze but usually it’s about as good as sleeping with someone else. I’m just so anxious.

I also masturbate to fall asleep. But that’s just reminding me that I’m not getting laid. It’s like every time I masturbate I think, ‘Damn, I wish I was getting laid.’ I’m sick of thanking myself for good orgasms.

I try reading as well. I have a book in every room in the house. In the living room it’s Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis. In the living room it’s Atheism: A Reader, edited by S.T Joshi. In my bedroom it’s a mixture of Bukowski, Kundera and feminist literature. I also throw in a Cosmo magazine for laughs.

Now I’m exercising in hopes of reaching a somnolent state at a respectable hour. I also want to fight off a case of the big fat ass I feel creeping up behind me. (I never said sleeping pills made me clever.)

So that is the plight of my sleeplessness. Fuck you. :)