Friday, October 31, 2008

Stubborn Belly Fat

I've gained a bit of weight over the last two years. I think it was padding to keep me safe from the emotional rollercoaster I was riding while trying to figure my shit out. Like an airbag of sorts. I just didn’t have the energy to worry about my looks or health so I didn’t. And boy did it show.

Well, I've sorted my shit out and I feel emotionally better than I have in many, many years and now I want to get rid of my padding. I want to have as many options available to me as possible, but with this extra weight I feel like I’m making my world smaller and smaller. I don’t have enough energy to do anything active and fun. I have no money for new clothes so I have to wear the same two pairs of jeans and layer everything to hide my emerging rolls. I don’t want any man to see me naked so sex is out of the question. Waking up, going to school and walking around took so much out of me that I was unable to focus on my school work. So I joined the gym at school and decided to lose some weight and gain some energy.

This is proving to be much harder than when I was twenty-two and at my fittest. If I gained a bit of weight back then I would work out an extra day and cut out Taco Bell from my diet. That was all it took to lose five to eight pounds in one week. Now I'm thirty-two and have been working out for an hour and a half three days a week for the past month and I've only lost about 4 1/2 pounds. I know that it's great that I've lost a bit of weight and feel more energy, but man, come on! At this rate it's gonna take me a long, long time to lose the weight I want to lose. This is gonna be tough. Plus there’s all the beautiful toned twenty-somethings that bounce about in their shorts and tank tops while I hunch around like a troll in my baggie pants and enormous white t-shirts leaving my outline of sweat on everything in a two foot radius. Just wait ladies, I’m your future!

Do you wanna know a secret? I love working out! I love seeing progress in my stamina and in my body! I have muscles again! I can walk to the top of the hill, where I park at school, and not feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack. The bottom of my ass and top of my thigh are becoming two separate entities again! I love that it keeps my depression at bay and I feel like a normal person again. What I hate is the eating, but seeing the results from working out makes me determined to lose this weight and become a hot piece of ass again. So, I’ve reduced my calorie intake by quite a bit and quit drinking soda. I don’t even look at fast food restaurants anymore. But for now I’d be happy to fit comfortably in my jeans again. So starting next week I’m gonna workout everyday and try to burn an extra thousand or so calories a week. Maybe next month will be six pounds!

But goddamn, this is hard. It better be worth it.