Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

Just some news:

~I have a big ol' crush on Bill Nighy. Don't judge.

~I had the most intense O on my new couch! Now all I need is a boy. Naww, he's just ruin everything.

~I'm obsessed with zombies and zombie movies! I must have watched (2004) Dawn of the Dead and Shaun of the Dead like fifteen times. I think I'm just trying to rid myself of this irrational fear of the re-animated dead.

~I had a moment in which I actually felt loneliness. Not just, "man I wish I had some friends to hang around with" loneliness. Rather this physical sensation of loneliness. It was quite unpleasant, but hey I'm still here.

~Actually had an argument with a customer because a check he wrote to someone else had a hold and wasn't deposited in her account. I told him it might have to do with the state of her account not his, but that seemed to make him even angrier. He hung up on me, then I called him a jackass.

~I want to go to Disneyland.

And that's about it for me, my pets.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

My new couch...

My new couch...
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Why don't you come sit with me for a while...

I finally got the cover to my sofa!! I would take a picture of it but I STILL can't find the goddamn cord and I don't want to buy a new one because as soon as I do that I'll find the old one. That would be too much fustration for my delicate sensibilities. But here's a photo of my couch in blue (mine is brown).

Thursday, July 21, 2005

One Love...

Oh my god this is so funny!!

You're so Vain...

So I have been eating Nutrisystem food for the last six days. I already feel less puffy, but I started my period so its a give and take in terms of visual results. One thing that hurt me was my week and a half eating binge in which I must have gained five pounds. Since I'm doing so many lists lately here's one of the top ten results of eating Nutrisystem for a week. (thought of that title all by myself)

10. You shouldn't call it a "chocolate shake" if there is no ice cream or actual chocolate taste. They should call it "Ground Up Cardboard in which you add 8 oz of water"

9. Tuna on melba toast is not a meal and hasn't been one since 1978.

8. I don't care how good it might taste, but a cheese burger that doesn't require refrigeration is a little freaky.

7. If you don't like to cook then this is the diet for you.

6. If you like really tasty food this isn't the diet for you.

5. All the pasta taste like Chief Boy-ar-dee, and I don't know if that's good or bad yet.

4. You have to eat either salad or fruit with every meal! Pro:my colon is running like LAX.

3. You have to eat either salad or fruit with every meal! Con: Gas so bad that you actually long for constipation.

2. Pre-packaged food=twice as much garbage. I may look good but I'm fucking up the environment. Jesus, you can never win.

1. As much Sugar-Free Jello and Cool Whip Free as you want!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Inbetween days...

I have realized a few things while I've been on my mini-vacation (ie watching TV and playing The Sims 2 while never leaving my apartment) and I thought I'd share them with the four or five people who might read this...

1. I will never date another naked person. It's not nudity I don't like, its just those boys who like to walk around my apartment nekked. I don't want to see your penis unless it's erect. I especially don't want to see it limp. And bouncing around my apartment. Or in my kitchen near my food. Put some shorts on.

2. I am not meant to work in the corporate world. I am going to be a make-up artist and never work on the phones again.

3. Everyone should see the documentary "Hoop Dreams".

4. No matter how I try to make it two separate rooms I have realized that I live in one big room.

5. I watch too much TV and its making me boring...

6. Being single is great because if you ever have gas that smells like a mixture of cabbage and raw sewage you never have to apologize, just let go and let god.

7. I talk to myself. Alot. Sometimes I narrate my life like its a reality television show. Gas withstanding, I do need a boyfriend.

8. I thought this book,The Friend Who Got Away, would be a light funny read, but it was really sad and depressing. So much so that I had to stop reading it at times.

9. I love to sleep in. And yes 6:30 does count when usually get up at 4:30 am.

10. Next time I do this I must leave my apartment or else I will go crazy.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I Wanna Hold Your Hand!!

I was watching "The Linda McCartney Story" on television and there was a scene showing their first meeting. Linda walks into his room at the Beverly Hills Hotel and Paul just goes up to her and kisses her. My first thought was 'isn't she gonna stop him and say hello? She's just gonna sleep with him without talking to him?'

Then I thought, 'Well if Paul McCartney, circa 1967, came up to me and started kissing me, taking off my clothes and made love to me before we even had a conversation, you know I think I would let him too. For Christssake, it's fucking Paul McCartney! Hell yeah I would!' Go Linda, wherever you are...

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Hey Pig, Piggy, Pig, Pig, yeah you!

My mother wanted to treat me to a pedicure because I was going to give up my busy day off to wait for the treadmill repair-person. Since I get off work at 2:30 and she gets off at 4:30 I had a few hours to spare in my old neighborhood, Montclair. The nail salon was right next to the mall so I thought, hey I’ll get some errands done.
First I had to make a payment to my Macy’s credit card. All Macy’s look alike so I had this instant flashback to a year ago when I was a rather unhappy employee at the department store. I was just moving into what I call “the cave”, a room in a Koreatown apartment with the Korean version of Ken and Barbie. I was rather excited about getting out of the suburbs but would later come to realize that living with complete strangers is about as appealing at driving a minivan. I was miserable.
I go to the purse department for a moment and realize that I need a new purse. I have very specific needs in a purse. First it has to have one deep pocket, because nothing is worse than searching through twenty different compartments to find your keys. Next it can’t be poorly made or look cheap, hey I’m shallow. And finally it can’t have too many bells and whistles; I like a classic simple design. Of course the only purse I like turns out to be the Jlo brand and cost $174. Defeated I head off to make my payment.
Anyhow, I headed to the men’s department because it’s usually pretty empty on weekdays. Of course I get the skinny gay overly friendly sales associate, every Macy’s has at least one, who tries to make small talk. I can’t stand small talk, but have gotten better at it over the years so I indulge. He gave me a wink and I’m on my way.
Next on the list was to replace my Clinique Stay Buff 01 (stay-matte sheer pressed powder oil free) compact. One thing I hate more than sales associate small talk are the girls at the make-up counter. They were always like the popular girls in high school, too much make-up and a sense of self-importance, so I decided to go to Nordstrom.
Of course Nordstrom is on the other side, so I have venture out to the mall. When I see Hot Topic I had this strange compulsion to go inside. It’s just the Marilyn Munster in me. I see something I want to buy my friend Kathy for her up coming birthday. I thought about buying a tee-shirt but decided I was too old.
I get to Nordstrom and get distracted by the purses, again. I am drawn to the Kate Spades, but decide that they look too old for me. Finally I see a beautiful leather hobo in teal that I liked until I looked at the price tag ($241, not too bad but out of my price range for now). Again defeated I again look for my Clinique compact.
Okay, I am a big ol’geek. There was a crowd of people standing around the MAC counter and no people by the Clinique. That made me very self-conscious and I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the counter. One reason is that the gals at the Clinique counter might get so excited that someone wants their product that they might try to do a dreaded mall make-over on me. Plus the woman at the Kohl’s (right next to Clinique) counter was staring at the MAC counter with such intensity that it kinda creeped me out.
So I go to Robinson’s-May and finally the Goldilock’s of make-up counters! It was just right. I go and ask for my compact and the girl behind the counter asked if I was sure if that was the right shade for me. A moment of insecurity made me pause and say,” I don’t know? I’m pretty pale and it seems to work.” She seemed satisfied and I gave myself an internal kick in the ass for giving a crap what she thinks of me. She goes to get my make up and I feel great that I have accomplished something. She returns only to tell me that they ran out of that compact and will get a new shipment next week.
This only means one thing…I have to go to Macy’s to get my make-up! Ingoring the irony of the situation for the moment I headed back to Macy’s and finally got my compact. I realized that the only way I can feel better about being a raging dork is to go to the bookstore where I can be with my people. Also I can get some coffee which will make the empty feelings go away.
But the mall had one final indignity waiting for me! I was walking to the parking lot when a woman handed me a small piece of paper. I looked at it and it said, I kid you not,

“We are looking for 75 people who want to lose weight! Join us in a weight loss study.”

WHAT THE FUCK!!?? I turned around and yelled out, “fuck you” to that damn lady and her damn flyer. Then I crumbled it up and threw it in the trash. I know I’ve gained a bit of weight, but by Montclair standards I’m still pretty slim. I headed off to my car angry and wanting a chocolate shake. I’m not fucking fat. Damn bitch.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Hey Mr Tamborine Man...

I'm gonna start Nutrisystem because my ass is huge! So while waiting for my food order I've been eating like I was a heroin addict about to go into rehab. It's fitting into a bridesmaid dress and, well, other shallow reasons which I cannot (and will not) mention here that drives me into such a dramatic choice. At least its not the diet with Kristie Alley, I just couldn't look myself in the mirror if I did that one.

Friday, July 08, 2005

I give in to sin because I like to practice what I preach...

While driving home I made a mental list of my bad habits and became very frustrated. Who wouldn't really? It was then a thought came to me clear and rational, how come I'm not perfect? I work so hard at overcoming all my undesirable traits and still I will never be perfect. As far as goals go, perfection is clearly impossible, but I am somehow disappointed and saddened by the truth of it all.
You see, I have always lived by a certain good girl standard that if I try really hard to be perfect and good then I will succeed. In fact one of my favorite movies as a girl was Cinderella because she was a good and virtuous girl who got rewarded, with shoes no less. If you're good and always do what is right then life will bestow all sorts of goodies and treats upon you. Sounds fair, right?
Well, my early twenties has done everything in it's power to destroy that idea. I didn't get the job, boy, grades, life that I wanted and tried so hard to be worthy of by doing what I thought was right. It was so disappointing that I sunk into a deep depression that rendered me usless until the age of twenty-six. Then I had to pull my life together and clean up my mess.
I'm still struggling with feelings of worthlessness because I have failed in my quest for perfection. I will always fail and what I have to do now is just live my life and go from there...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Sweet Child of Mine...

My father sends me silly emails all the time with little pearls of wisdom or jokes. Kind of an armchair philosopher, my pops. This one made look twice...

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea..."

Like women aren't suppose to do what they please? Why should men have to get "used" to that idea as if they had any real control over women? And finally, why am I so bothered by something so goofy and trite?

The trouble with being a feminist in the modern world is balancing that line between being way too uptight and condoning undesirable behavior...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Top down so everyone can see you...

Charmingly titled "Pics of you", this lovely letter, sent to me on my myspace account, has single-handedly restored my faith in men. Enjoy...

(Cue 'Love Story" theme)

Hi, hello, and how are you??? I would like to introduce myself. My name is Aaron and I am from Lansing Michigan USA. I saw your pics and could not beleive my eyes. You are so incrediablely beautiful. You are one hell of a sexy lady. Lets put it this way, you could deffinitly eat crackers in my bead any day. Now please do not be mad at me for asking you what I am about to ask you. And just in case you do. I am going to say that I am sorry before I even ask you. so, "I'm sorry". Now, I am a guy. Like most guys, I have fetishes. Mine happens to be breasts. Now, please forgive me if this offends you. But, do I have any chance in hell that you would grace me with the honor and privleige of a pic of you topples??? Now I did it. I went and made you mad. I'm sorry!!! I just happen to love the shape,size, and beauty of you and your breasts and would love to be able to get a toplless pic of you. But I've probley said to much now. So I had better off just leave. But before I do. Just in case I did not offend you. Just in case it flatters you that a guy would have the corage to ask you such a thing. My e-mail address is as follows: aaron_SR_2005@yahoo.com maybe we can be friends and talk some time if I didn't make you to mad at me by asking what I did. Talk to me........


Yes, Aaron I will eat crackers in your bead, topples. completely topples...

It's not the way you lead me by the hand into the bedroom...

Its finding Live Journals by my friend Aaron that makes me just love the internet.

Working the last few days and I'm plum tired. I never thought staring at a computer screen would make me so worn. Today there was call after call from customers with attitude. You wouldn't believe how grown ass people can behave like little children when you tell them no. They pout, yell, argue, manipulate, and just talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah...Oh god. My friend Mana declared that we had grumpitis, a condition in which one can't help but bitch about everything that crosses one's path. If gone untreated it may develop into bratitis which has been known to kill, not the patient, but anyone around the patient when an outbreak occurs. Believe me there is no cure!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

We're so pretty, oh so pretty...

Yep, I have a crush on a scenester. He wore a New York Dolls tee-shirt to work. I am just crushing on him because I don't really want to face my life. It is a fun little distraction from my anxiety attack that I call my life. He gave me an easter bunny mug which will sit on my desk collecting dust. Anyways...

Friday, July 01, 2005

Drifting into mental illness...

I swear today is one of those fucked up days that make me want to just eat or smoke everything I see. Work was the only bright spot because my new Super!visor Joe started. My numbers are going to go up, up, up! His cute little tattooed greaser self is sitting one cubicle in front of me. Of course my boss has decided to move our desks next Wednesday and of course I will most likely be sent to the opposite side of the office. Its so high school moving desks like that. Nicola wants our team to bond and be bestest buddies, so we have to sit next to someone new every quarter. Well I am sitting next to someone new, Mr Cutie, so don't move me!

Occasionally, at work, I get a special treats like a call from a woman who told me about her shingles that had spread "from her rear to her vaginal area". I became so ill with that image that I had to take a break. Did I tell you that I work for a bank? I always thought that meant that I would never have to hear about some strange woman's herpes. But no, I am not safe. Not anymore. No one is safe as far as I'm concerned.