Could I still shop at Target?

Thanks to Zombies on the Web!

Future Zombie You are 39% capable with weaponry, You are 45% prepared, You have 40% Zombie Wits, and 26% Practical Wits!

You have no chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse. It is unlikely that anyone can save you from becoming a zombie.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Weaponry You scored higher than 99% on Preparedness You scored higher than 99% on ZombieWits You scored higher than 99% on PracticalWits

Link: The Zombie Survival Test written by phrhahbh on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Things that can be cured by a nap:

A side stitch so painful that it will only allow one to sit up-right and cross-legged

I managed to lie down and take a half hour long nap. I woke up and it was gone.

Heartbreak

For the first few minutes after waking up from a nap, I only think of one thing, 'What time is it?' Then I think, 'Man, that was only a half hour?' It's only temporary cure, but for that moment you're innocent.

Boredom

One half hour that I won't spend watching Crossing Jordan and cursing my existence.

Sleepiness from staying up until 3 AM the previous night

So, I can stay up until 3 AM tonight...

Location, Location, Location...

Not much luck with the Inland Empire selection on Match.com...But check out the talent in London!!

Yowza!!

Hello!!



Loverly! Loverly! Loverly!

It's just not fair...

Hey, Brian! Bring me back one of these lovely fellas! I'm sure they have nothing to do with the dairy industry...

Cause it's so damn cute...

And I'm in the mood for cute little furry guys...

S.O.S

I know where I'm going to be summer 2008!! The ABBA museum in Stockholm, Sweden! There's going to be a studio where visitors can record their own ABBA songs! Now I just have to pick the perfect song...

But don't let the jovial nature of this post fool you...I'm still in an intensely bleak mood. In fact I almost emailed an ex-boyfriend to ask him why he stopped talking to me. What the fuck is wrong with me?

It's like if I keep digging into this maybe I'll be able to find what is so unlovable about me. Then maybe I can fix it and be like those other girls who are loved...

Ugh. I'm getting gross.

Ugh...

I feel like crap. Just a general mood of ick. And the evening started out so well with a Gilmore Girls episode about knitting and then there was this mood shift. It's just all these little things at once and then Pow! I'm feeling useless and unlovable.

I hate being in blue funk. It's like wearing uncomfortable shoes that I can't take off. After a while I get indignant towards my bad mood and then I'm not only glum, but pissed off. Ugh. Double Grande Ugh.

Even Cuteoverload.com can't draw me out of this fuck hole I've landed in...

I need some love and affection here people!!

I wish I knew how to quit you...

Last night, as I watched Brokeback Mountain, I was reminded of an article in Los Angeles Magazine which the writer found the moment where the two characters have sex for the first time unbelievable. (I looked for the article and just couldn’t find it…) He tried to be open-minded, but just didn’t buy this sudden turn towards sex. I’m not surprised at all. I’ve had a few situations in which I was having a normal conversation with a fella one minute and we’re doing the horizontal bop the next. What’s so hard to believe? Has this writer never had a one night stand? Hell, if Jake Gyllenhaal had been his sister Meg, we would’ve been totally disappointed if Heath Ledger didn’t get some action. These were two gay men who happen to be cowboys out herding sheep together. They were alone and both total hotties who made a connection in an extremely homophobic world. They felt free to express that attraction that makes gay men, well, gay men. Is it really that difficult to understand homosexuality? Or do most straight people just not want to understand?

Okay, I’ll make it easier. Imagine all the feelings that you feel towards the opposite sex. Okay, just imagine you feel them for someone of the same sex. I know, I know it may feel weird, but just try. Okay? How about for one minute imagine that the person you’re feeling all that sexual attraction for is a member of the same sex. Picture what that person might look like. Allow that feeling to be natural, like your attraction towards members of the opposite sex. For just one moment feel that…

There that wasn’t so bad, now was it? The world didn’t fall apart. God didn’t smite you. And there’s no need to get into bar fights or flash boobs for t-shirts to demonstrate heterosexuality. Just be a bit more open-minded. That’s all I’m asking.

Iron Hymen

Good satire is always good. (X-mas present ideas!)

Top of the Class...

I made the Flickr "Last 7 Days Interesting" with this one. I have the same feeling as when my 2nd grade teacher showed my finger-painting to the class and put a gold star on top of it...

Yeah, I'm a geek.

Debbye the Riveter

Debbye the Riveter
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Woot-Woot!

Tidbits...

This makes me so mad! What is really making people so uncomfortable about breastfeeding? Is it that breasts have another purpose besides "going wild" for drooling heterosexual men? Are we only comfortable with breasts when they're being used to sell us beer and cars? Plus it makes me more uncomfortable to know that Delta Airlines allows ferrets as carry-ons...

Lately I've been feeling rather blah when it comes to men and dating, so I've been wondering if I'm a late-in-life lesbian or even (gasp!) asexual. Then People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue comes out and well...

I think I'm going to be a nicer person. Or rather less mean. It's just that being mean just takes too much energy and it's based on a concept of coolness. As I age I don't care as much about being cool as I care that the people in my life know they are loved and strangers know that they're humanity is recognized. I don't know how it's going to be demonstrated in my life as of yet, so I'll keep you posted...

'Tis the Season to buy me stuff...

Since it's almost Thanksgiving, it must be time for the First Annual 'What I Want For Christmas' Wish List!

Here it is:

1. The ability to leave my house without any fear of being harassed or harmed simply because I'm a woman.
2. Jon Stewart.
3. Marc Jacobs Ready-To-Wear and Marc Spring 2007 Collection. Okay, I'll settle for some perfume...
4. A Fancy New Camera.
5. An I-Pod.
6. An end to poverty. Or just an opportunity to hang with John Edwards. (He's so handsome!)
7. 'Moon Over the Freeway' by the Ditty Bops.
8. A few little books about knitting. (Big Ass Hint Alert: "Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook" by Debbie Stoller! "Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook" by Debbie Stoller!)
9. My innocence...
10. A French Bulldog puppy whom I will name Steve Buscemi.
11. A better vocabulary
12. The motivation to start sewing again.
13. Clinique Happy perfume, because it makes me smell happy.
14. A pair of Chuck Taylor's All Stars low tops in Charcoal. (Size 7 1/2.) What can I say, I'm hooked!
15. Sephora. Express. Banana Republic. All good.
16. A President and government I can respect.
17. A museum tour of Europe.
18. For this to not happen. X-mas came early!!
19. A niece or nephew.
20. A pony. (Thirty years in counting for this one...I will not give up the dream!)

2:47 AM (revised so that it's readable)

As I dine on Chicken McNuggets and HiC punch (Or Orange Drink, as it was astutely called in my family) I am filled with a love for life I haven't felt in a long time. Anyhoo, I'm going to enjoy it for all it's worth, because I'm going to be an anxious mess before too long…

One thing that used to bother me was when I played Monopoly was when I was sent to jail. It was a personal failure for a people pleaser like me. The reason for my imprisonment was never clear, but they felt a need to keep me from collecting my $200. I remain indignant to this day that not only was I going to jail, but that I couldn't get that damn $200 dollars. I guess it's that part of me that wants to have my cake and eat it too, because why would I get a cake if I didn't want to eat it? Why? That's just stupid...

I just bought my first pair of black low-top Converse. I've been pretty willful about buying them because my friends just fawn over them so much. They may be my friends, but we don't always share the same passions. (ie: the Bible, cycling, paganism, punk music, etc...) Just like I know my love for Christina Aguilera and may not be appreciated by my friends, they shouldn't expect me to share their zeal for footwear. Some might call it stubborn, but I call it principled. In this case I'll admit I was wrong! I love, love, love them!! They're comfy and make me feel funky in a Punky Brewster kind of way...

Does anyone really have a memory from 2003? I mean it was a pretty throw away year. Yes, I'm sure many exciting events occurred, but for the life of me I can't remember one damn thing...

I think I have ESP, but only in regards for pop culture. For example, a few days ago an episode of Designing Women popped into my head. It was an episode in which Susanne fell for a blind guy, but dumps him because he was unable to see her beauty. And since her beauty was what usually kept men around, how will she hold this blind guy interest? Well, her charm, wit and intelligence of course! Anyhoo, as I ate my McNuggets, guess what episode was on Nick at Night? You betcha! It also happens with songs and the radio as well...

To quote...

I had so much fun with this site I decided to do all of my friends:

"When there is no more room in Hell, the Kathy will walk the earth"

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my Becky. Prepare to die!"

"Love means never having to say you're Brian."

"I love the smell of Steve in the morning."

"You take the blue Michael-the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe."

'My mama always said life was like a box of Shawna."

"All work and no Angela makes Jack a dull boy."

"No, it is not dangerous to confuse Jen with the angels"

"Oh, no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Mike killed the beast."

"I am serious...and don't call me Jason."

It was too long to text, Steve.

If you put your name in this quote generator on this site it'll end up in a movie quote. This one was too good not to mention:


"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your Debbye together and blow."



Yeah...

How I spent my morning

I haven’t been very lucky in love. I’ve dated a lot but never had that one relationship that has demonstrated my lovability. So as far as I know I am unlovable. Maybe I don’t possess the qualities that one needs to be loved. I see relationships all around me and wonder, how’d they do that? How did they get that perfect timing in which Person A fell in love with Person B and vice versa? Then after achieving that how do they align their lives together to form a relationship? I have no idea. None, whatsoever.

I’m thirty years old and I’ve never been in love. I’ve loved a few guys, but none of them wanted to be with me. They’ve always picked other girls that somehow encompass the long unspoken list of qualities that equal love. I can’t blame them, you go where the love is, but I can’t help but feel a bit put off by the whole situation. I’ve read somewhere that being in love is a matter of will. That along with having all the qualities one desires in a significant other, one has to be willing to be in love the other person. If there’s an unwillingness to do that then there can be no ‘in love’.

So, can you will yourself into loving someone? I imagine so, since my parents have been married for almost forty years. You can’t be married for that long without a few moments of willing yourself to love that person you’ve seen at his or her absolute worse. Are they still in love? Does that really matter in the long run? It would seem that being in love with someone is very important, but how important is it in context of a long term relationship? I think being in love is the ideal start to a long term loving relationship. And I would imagine most people in western society also believe that to be true in one way or another.

Yet it seems that those who are looking for exciting-loss of abandon-love aren’t really looking for long term stable relationships. I think they’re looking to feel alive, to feel a chemical high. And when it wears off then it’s over. Yeah, there are feelings still involved, but after the high there’s nothing else to keep one there. To make a relationship work there has to be a willingness to see beyond the ‘in love’ for something familiar and stable.

I don’t really think I want to be in a relationship or else I’d be more eager to find one. I end up sleeping with guys who I know don’t want a relationship with me. I like the thrill. But I’ve been fucked over a few times and now I’m starting to see beyond the thrill of falling in love. I would like to have someone who wants to work towards something more than just maintaining that initial feeling of being in love. Yet, I’m scared of turning into my parents who know every nook and cranny of each other and exciting moments are few and far between. So, I’m stuck in limbo right now where a casual relationship seems shallow and unfulfilling and a serious relationship seems daunting in its monotony.

If love is about willingness then I’m unwilling to compromise where I’m at this exact moment. So maybe that’s why I’m not in love. But the real question is, does that make me loveable?

The Ditty Bops- Wishful Thinking

Okay, I'll start a band, but only under one condition: My band has to be as swell as the Ditty Bops. If that can't happen then why bother?

No, it wasn't mine, but it might as well have been...

From PostSecret

Ewww...

She doesn't need a boyfriend because her father's love satisfies her? She's a gift to her husband? Ballet? Ick, thy name is Purity Ball.

I forgive ya'll for your transgressions, but they best not happen again…

Boys, I love ya'll.

Really I do.

But ya'll are starting to work my nerves a bit.

Now, I'm a sucker for ya'll.

Really I am.

But ya'll need to be put in your proper place.

I'll try and make time for you.

Really I will.

But when the lovin's done, ya gotta put your pants on and go.

Please don't think I don't care.

Really I do.

But...I have things to do...

I know you understand.

You're special that way.

If this bothers you and you still insist on messing with me...well...I'll let Abby and Amanda say it all:

Fish To Fry

Hey there little man
Get out of my fryin' pan
I got bigger fish to fry than you

It's high time you listen to me
I choose my battles carefully
So get out of here son
Let me show you the door
You'll be in trouble then
If by the time I count to four
One two three four

You been messin' with my mind
To waste my time is most unkind
I got better things to do
Than to play these pointless games with you

Get down off that horse
Before I knock you off
Put away your big guns
You're acting out of fear
But I'm not scared of you
On the way out watch your rear
One two three four

Hey there little man
Get out of my fryin' pan
I got bigger fish to fry than you
You been talkin' off my ear
This is the end but you're still here
Out of here son
Let me show you the door
You'll be in trouble then
If by the time I count to four
One two three four

--The Ditty Bops

Speed Dating

I totally agree!!

Head cold in the working class

I think I'm at the beginning stages of a nasty cold. And it's really making me mad. I don't want to get sick, so I'm refusing to acknowledge how crappy I feel.

I'm done with my job at Macy's. Well, I quit going in and they haven't called to check up on me. So it's done. I didn't really like that job. I haven't really liked any job.

Well...I lived at this Christian Camp in the San Bernardino Mountains and ran the bookstore for a summer. I was 22 years old and I really liked that job. What I did all day was read, listen to music, dust and ring up sales. Most of the time the store was very quiet with the occasional local coming in to buy Christian paraphernalia and chat a bit. When I did have to deal with the campers it was either to explain the concept of sales tax or give the price of a box of gummy bears. At night I would go watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the maid, Bridgette. (No, she wasn't French.) She would tell me stories of how disgusting the campers were and the various disgusting items she would find in the cabins. That was my life for three months.

It was this summer that I went on a search for some sleeping pills so I could kill myself. This wasn't the first near attempt at suicide nor was it my last. (But that's another story.) I couldn't find anything amongst the other girls’ stuff, so I just went into my room and cried. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. There was a lot of pain and unhappiness in my life and the Way, the Truth and the Light was being very quiet about the entire situation. Being so young I didn't know that the pain would pass and my life would go on. I didn't know I could handle the pain that life would throw at me over and over again.

So that job ended and I came home. I came back the next summer as a camp counselor which sucked beyond the telling of it. Soon after I came back from that job I left the church. I haven't tried to kill myself since; thought about it but no attempts. I guess that's good for something.

Ugh. I feel like crap. I'm going to send my dad out to get some cold medicine.

Neat-o...

I love Adult Swim!! From Family Guy to Robot Chicken, it fills my life with joy...

Happy Day To Me!

A poem my friend Jen put in my birthday card. I like it.

A Birthday Present

What is this, behind this veil, is it ugly, is it beautiful?
It is shimmering, has it breasts, has it edges?

I am sure it is unique, I am sure it is what I want.
When I am quiet at my cooking I feel it looking, I feel it thinking

'Is this the one I am too appear for,
Is this the elect one, the one with black eye-pits and a scar?

Measuring the flour, cutting off the surplus,
Adhering to rules, to rules, to rules.

Is this the one for the annunciation?
My god, what a laugh!'

But it shimmers, it does not stop, and I think it wants me.
I would not mind if it were bones, or a pearl button.

I do not want much of a present, anyway, this year.
After all I am alive only by accident.

I would have killed myself gladly that time any possible way.
Now there are these veils, shimmering like curtains,

The diaphanous satins of a January window
White as babies' bedding and glittering with dead breath. O ivory!

It must be a tusk there, a ghost column.
Can you not see I do not mind what it is.

Can you not give it to me?
Do not be ashamed--I do not mind if it is small.

Do not be mean, I am ready for enormity.
Let us sit down to it, one on either side, admiring the gleam,

The glaze, the mirrory variety of it.
Let us eat our last supper at it, like a hospital plate.

I know why you will not give it to me,
You are terrified

The world will go up in a shriek, and your head with it,
Bossed, brazen, an antique shield,

A marvel to your great-grandchildren.
Do not be afraid, it is not so.

I will only take it and go aside quietly.
You will not even hear me opening it, no paper crackle,

No falling ribbons, no scream at the end.
I do not think you credit me with this discretion.

If you only knew how the veils were killing my days.
To you they are only transparencies, clear air.

But my god, the clouds are like cotton.
Armies of them. They are carbon monoxide.

Sweetly, sweetly I breathe in,
Filling my veins with invisibles, with the million

Probable motes that tick the years off my life.
You are silver-suited for the occasion. O adding machine-----

Is it impossible for you to let something go and have it go whole?
Must you stamp each piece purple,

Must you kill what you can?
There is one thing I want today, and only you can give it to me.

It stands at my window, big as the sky.
It breathes from my sheets, the cold dead center

Where split lives congeal and stiffen to history.
Let it not come by the mail, finger by finger.

Let it not come by word of mouth, I should be sixty
By the time the whole of it was delivered, and to numb to use it.

Only let down the veil, the veil, the veil.
If it were death

I would admire the deep gravity of it, its timeless eyes.
I would know you were serious.

There would be a nobility then, there would be a birthday.
And the knife not carve, but enter

Pure and clean as the cry of a baby,
And the universe slide from my side.

---Sylvia Plath.

Nothing, nevermind

Thoughts I’ve had at work:

You know, I really don’t work well with others.

What the fuck are you looking at? I’ll kick your ass, bitch.

What is with America’s obsession with productivity and standing? Can’t a person be both industrious and seated? *After a third manager walked by and gave me a look while I sat on the ground to assemble a display.

I’m not slow, I’m methodical.

I AM an academic!

I will never work for Macy’s again, so why not?

How many Quesadilla’s would one have to make in a lifetime to justify a Quesadilla maker?

Could I be bi-sexual?

Oh no, you don’t have to acknowledge my humanity, I can see you’re busy. *As I struggle with a 75 lb. metal stand while three managers had a pleasant little chat no more than few feet away.

That’s a great bruise. It looks like a fetus.

Don’t talk to me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t talk to me. I really don’t care. I really don’t care. I really don’t care.

Okay, I have forty-five minutes till lunch. Subtract forty-five minutes from four forty-five and then I’ll only have two and a half hours until I’m off. Two and a half hours is better than three hours. Thank the stars.

********************************************************************

Today, I was on my way to work when I realized that I just didn’t want to go, so I didn’t. I felt instantly guilty, because being a person who just ditches work and doesn’t tell her boss isn’t someone I want to be. But the truth is sometimes I just don’t want to deal with all shit. I didn’t want to feel bad or explain my actions; honestly I just didn’t want to go to this job. I didn’t want to be the good girl who tried to make it work. Even though that person makes everyone else happy, it makes me miserable. That’s why I lie, so I don’t have to disappoint anyone; and I still get my way. It’s childish and immature, but at times that’s who I am.

And I had a great day off. I drove around and shopped for my birthday get-together this Saturday. And I got some new oh la la boots! (As I carried my bag around I was reminded of Rachel from Friends: "There my new "I don't need a job, I don't need my father, I got great boots" boots!") I’m all relaxed and clear-headed. Lovely, lovely.

A day like any other

A few minutes after I woke up, I checked my cell and noticed it was November 2nd. My groggy first thought was, 'Oh it's my birthday.' Then I pull myself outta bed and hopped into the shower. Halfway through my shampoo I realized that it was my thirtieth birthday.

My twenties are over; my thirties have begun.