Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle...

I'm having a bit of a freak out.

You may not know this about me but I'm a perfectionist, but I'm also a realist who is prone to depression. In other words, I want to be perfect yet I know that will never happen which bums me out. Because of this I tend to get shut down when I'm overwhelmed. If it’s not perfect then what’s the point? (It’s also a convenient way to opt out of life.) So that's where I'm at right now. What's different about before is that I'm fighting it where as before I would just get in bed and give up. I'm saying this because I've been spending a lot of time alone, so I need to express myself. If I don't then I'm gonna keep this in and implode. Okay, here it goes:

I can't do this on my own.

So, if you're a friend of mine and you read this, please offer me some encouragement. I really need love and support right now. Thanks!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I give up

I changed my picture to this:


Kinda sexy, right? And all of a sudden I go from getting one email a week to getting two or more emails a day. It's strange to be honest since my profile is the same, but research has shown that men are pigs who only like hott women.

It's true.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Just don't do it

When I read the list, Safety Precautions to Avoid a Rape Confrontation with a Stranger, in my Psychology of Women textbook I noticed that it was advice for women. (Despite the gender neutral title.) I don't understand why women, who aren't committing any crime, are the ones responsible for rape prevention. In the majority of cases it's men who commit the crime, so why is most rape prevention advice geared towards women? So I've decided to come up with some advice, for men, to avoid a rape confrontation.

For Men: Safety Precautions to Avoid a Rape Confrontation

General Precautions

1. Go to a rape crisis center and read up on rape, namely what it is, who does it and what the law constitutes as rape.
2. Watch how much you drink when you’re in the presence of women. Men are much more likely to be sexually aggressive when they drink, so set boundaries while drinking alcoholic beverages.
3. Take a course in women’s studies and in reading female body language. This will make you more understanding and aware how you might make women uncomfortable with your actions.
4. If a woman tells you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Even if you don’t think she wants you to, because her statement should be a good enough reason for you to stop.

Precautions at Home

1. Don’t go into a house either through a door or window when you haven’t been invited inside. Even if the doors and windows are unlocked you still shouldn’t go inside without permission.
2. If you’re a repairman or a deliveryman, please have your identification ready to prove you are who you say you are.
3. Never enter an elevator if there is a strange woman, she might feel uncomfortable. Make sure that the apartment manager keeps the public areas well lit, so women can feel free to walk around.

Precautions on the Street

1. Be alert to your surroundings. If you notice that you’re making the women around you uncomfortable then leave the area.
2. If you’re on the street, in a parking lot, or in a secluded area in the presence of a woman you don’t know, go someplace else. Your presence might make her uncomfortable.
3. While driving in your car make sure that you don’t give any appearance that you’re following a woman you don’t know. If you think you are then turn around and go the other way.


If you have forced or coerced a woman into having sex with you against her will, you have raped her. She isn’t in anyway responsible for your actions. It is YOUR fault.

*Original list found on pg 442 of The Psychology of Women, Sixth Edition, by Margaret W Matlin.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I was heading down that shame spiral...

...then I found Charles the Pug and his licking problem.

Thank you Charles, thank you.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Yeah, I'm still alive...

I just didn't have anything to say.

I still don't.


I give you French Bulldogs:

And, my friend, Kathy's niece acting like a zombie:

I think that says it all...

Thursday, November 01, 2007


Since I've started school I've had nothing but stress in regards to the bureaucratic side of education. First I had a hold put on my registration due to not going to an advising meeting for my as of yet unfinished BA in Theater. So, I go to what I can only describe as the most humiliating advising meeting in history. In this meeting I was confronted with all my past scholastic failures followed by looks of judgment from my advisor. Did I mention this was the first time I met this jerkoff? Anyways, I missed my registration appointment and when the time came to enroll again, all the classes I wanted were gone. I picked some classes that would fill some requirements, went to enroll and the fucking hold was still there!! After I left some frantic phone messages, the goddamn hold was released. I got the classes and everything seemed fine.


I checked my school email and discovered that my financial aid had been denied. At this point I went into a slight catatonic state. My mom offered to pay for that quarter, but now I have to go get a loan which I didn't want to do until grad school. So, I'm in the process of getting a loan which is loads of fun. Ick.

But now the clouds seem to be parting and things are falling into place…

I registered the other day and got all the classes I wanted! Yay! And it looks like I'll finish up my theater degree by the end of the school year. Double Yay!! I'll also get health insurance which means I can go to a counselor and get some treatment for my depression. Triple Yay!!! I even got an excellent performance review from work! Yays for everyone!!

I was hoping going back to school would be easy, but it's the toughest thing I've done. Not just because of the school work or strain on my intellect, rather it's difficult to commit to something that has the potential be a waste of time. Every time a new scenario comes up that requires me to make an effort above and beyond what I would usually do in an unpredicitible situation I have an anxiety attack. Why should I spend the time studying for a final if I can't find a way to pay for school? Or if my grades will never be good enough to get into grad school, then really, why bother? What if I find I hate psychology and have constant debt to always remind me of this mistake? I don't know how to be okay with the unknown floating out there like an angry face melting ghost. (Sorry, I've just seen Poltergist.) It's like I've realized how scary it is to jump off a cliff two seconds after I've jumped off the cliff. I could quit, but really, that would suck too.


So, I'm going to keep on keeping on and have some faith that whatever happens I can handle it. And hey, at least I'll have that damn theater degree.