Monday, July 31, 2006

Housing Project

I've already had a discussion about this before, but it's always worth revisiting. Just remember that the choice in the pro-choice movement is not about "killing children", but respecting the personhood of a woman. This cartoon just makes me a pink mushy "apartment" for a fetus and I resent the hell out of that.

I'm finding that I'm getting more political as I get older and can't be accommodating or silent anymore. My rights as a woman and human being are being taken away and sitting around hoping that things will change. So, I'ma going to get active...

Here is a site that provides some state legislation information on the topics like abortion, contraception, pregnancy and child abuse.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


I love the smell of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, so much that I wish it came in perfume form. I use insomnia as a weapon against “The System”. Carrots make me gag. Underwear should be colorful. I have a master’s Degree in Ikea Furniture construction and a PhD in Moving from one small space to another. I want to start making my own clothes. I actually enjoy working out at a gym. Precocious children should be sent to live on a little island far away restaurants and sitcoms. Guilt doesn’t work on me. I’m afraid of being too well-adjusted. When people don’t get my jokes it’s because they take themselves too seriously. Anderson Cooper and John Stewart make me feel like a giddy schoolgirl; I’d even wear the little outfits if they so requested. My bed has five pillows and I use all of them. I believe that the world should change mainly through social reform. Big noses are sexy. I’m always the first person to realize how ridiculous I am. I’ve written two plays. I am seven units away from a B.A. in Theater Arts. I went all the way to Rome only to eat at Planet Hollywood. I read at least three books at a time. I always mix up Edward James Olmos with James Earl Jones. More money should be given to non-profit organizations. My family and I tried out for the Family Feud and were rejected for not be enthusiastic enough. I do believe hell is for children.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Snakes On A Plane!!!

Snakes On A Plane!!!
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Filmmaker: The pitch; Okay so there's a plane. But there's also a bunch of snakes!!

Studio Heads (grumble, grumble): We don't know...

Filmmaker: It'll be crazy! All those snakes loose on a plane! There'll be bitting, hissing and women screaming and standing on their chairs! It can't lose!

Studio Heads: Hmmm...

Filmmaker: It'll star Samuel L. Jackson...

Studio Heads: He's great in everything! It's a deal!

Damn, I miss Hollywood.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sissy Babette goes Public


Friday, July 21, 2006

What are you doing? We don't stop here.

I know what my problem is. I know what I did wrong. I feel crazy now. Like my life is a dream and I'm going to wake up in a mental institution. Soon the scary music is going to play and old people are going to chase me into my bedroom.

Never, I repeat never, watch Mulholland Dr. right before you go to bed. Just trust me on that one.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I just spilled coffee on my feet. Nothing will wake a girl up like hot coffee, especially when poured directly on the feet.

The coffee is immediately related to my getting up at 9 AM after going to bed at 4 AM. In an attempt to regulate my sleeping schedule I am going to wake up at nine in the morning every day. Waking up late makes me miss the mornings, which is quite possibly the best part of the day. I love beautiful breezy summer mornings just before it gets insufferably hot and smoggy. The birds are actually chirping and the sky is a lovely shade of azure. I have the house to myself. Ain’t life grand?

Sunday, July 16, 2006

For the Record...

I would never do this.

But now I'm tempted to call CNN and con them into giving me Anderson Cooper's number. Now there's a cutie pie!

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Tomorrow I have a job interview to become a manager of a candy store.


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Fuck you, Socrates.

I'm totally freaking out about living at home. Maybe I've cooped myself up for too long with my parents, but this entire situation is just giving me an anxiety attack. I feel like a bride who realized that she just married the comfortable safe guy. Life will hold no more passion for me. Fuck. I can't get away from it. The waves of anxiety keep coming, from that tight gross sensation in my chest and the tunnel vision dizzy feeling in my head; all I can do is wait them out.

My parents are fucked up. Like all of us are, but it's twice as hard since they are my parents. My genetic material comes from these people. These people brought me up. I look and acts just like them. They're not abusing drunken belligerent assholes, thank the stars. Rather, they are subtly fucked up in a way that just eats the energy out of me. They keep secrets and hide within themselves. Now I have to sit in the center of this dysfunction. Now I have to stir the pot. Now I’ll have to be the monster. Again.

I'm going to stop indulging my self-help mentality for a while. I feel like being unhealthy. I will stop trying to figure everything out. I'm going to sit around and read Being and Nothingness. I'm going to pretend that my life is meaningless so every action isn't so damn important. Even better I’m going to pretend my life is meaningless to anyone else besides myself. I’m going to be smart, liberal and better than everyone else. My unexamined life will be worth living.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Haiku for you...

My friend Aaron wrote a haiku for me:

Stages have endings
And chrysalides emerge new
Flowered is the meadow

Awww...I love attention...

Sunday, July 09, 2006


Nothing is happening. Nothing at all. I want to describe my move home, but it wasn't quite the action-packed happening I had hoped for. My friend Brian helped me move which is an event in itself, because two months ago he wasn't even talking to me. In fact, he blocked me from every aspect of his internet world. Now I have him moving couches and making small talk with my father. It might have something to do with allowing him to touch my boobs oh so many years ago. Naw, I'm sure it was outta the kindness of his heart. Right?

I had no toilet for a week, just a hole in the ground. But I have a walk-in closet. Fancy! There is always food available and a cat to ignore me. They have TiVo and cable. I don't have to pay bills and the washer and dryer are just steps away. I always have someone to talk to when I feel like talking. There are doors and a back yard. I'll have my books with me and my car in a garage.

In exchange, I have to live in Montclair with my parents and work some crappy job.

Hmmm...Still wondering if I made the right choice.


My mother has a habit of watching everything I do whenever I’m in her presence. When I’m looking around the kitchen she asks if I’m looking for something. I always answer with “nothing,” because it drives her crazy (obviously I’m looking for something!) Then she’ll start listing all the food in the kitchen and the various combinations which they might be most enjoyable.

Every time she says, “Umm” in a specific tone I just know I’m going to have to get up and do something. For example, she’ll say “Umm (a pause while she collects her thoughts)…do you think someone can help me move the entire dining room set all while balancing the cat on my head?” Said looking directly at me.

She is obsessed with getting the cat pee smell out of my bedroom carpet and for that I am thankful.

She refuses to spell my name Debbye. I told her that it’s not something to be stubborn about, because it’s my damn name.

If she had it her way BBC America would be on all the time.

I’ll make dirty jokes just to make her uncomfortable. She’ll look at me over her glasses, smile and say, “I don’t want to hear it.” But I love to make her laugh. My interpretive dance to the X-Files theme song actually made her fall off the couch with tears streaming down her face.

My dad loves to tell the story of how, when they were dating, Devil with the Blue Dress was her song because of a sexy blue dress she would always wear. I would love to get in a time machine and meet her in that dress. I imagine she would disapprove of everything about me, but would secretly want to be my best friend.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Timing is everything

I need a job because all this free time is making me feel a bit needy. I'm rather clingy with my friends and spending way too much time online.

What is going on in this great big world?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


Whoever comes up with the dirtiest, most naughty innuendo involving a celebrity's name wins the big prize!

I'll start:

"Blair Underwood? I'd like to get under his wood!"

Whoa! Now that was dirty!

Okay, now it's your turn...

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


I watched one of those movies where everyone coupled up and lived happily ever after.

Then I cried because no one is ever going to love me and I'm going to die alone.

It was all pretty amusing.

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Griffin Family History

Funniest episode of "Family Guy" ever!

Peter: Hey Hitler, watcha doing? (beat) Stuff?

Hitler: Yes, Peter.

Peter: Nazi stuff?

Hitler: Yes, Peter.


Hitler: The time for victory of the world is upon us!

Peter: Yea! Victory up the ass!


(The Griffin family debating the merits of the movie The Godfather while their panic room fills with water)

Peter: It insist upon itself. It insists upon itself.


What other show can make a sleepy girl laugh out loud while in a room by herself? I tell you what.

Sunday, July 02, 2006


Dudes I'm crushing on right now:

*Jeremy Sisto

*Anderson Cooper

*John Keats

*Howard Zinn

*Langston Hughes

*Paul Giamatti

*Brian Griffin


Dudes that just don't do it for me anymore:

*Charlie Sheen

*Bill Nighy

*John Donne

*Harrison Ford

*Salman Rushdie

Sonnet 129

My first year as a theater major I had to take Vocal training class taught by a free-spirit named Christine. At this point in my life I was 23 years old and a recovering Christian, so all this breathing out my eyeballs and loosening the jaw exercises were a bit new and overwhelming to me. At one point Christine made us pick one of Shakespeare’s sonnets and then recite it to the class. I picked Sonnet 129:

The expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action; and till action, lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust,
Enjoy'd no sooner but despised straight,
Past reason hunted, and no sooner had
Past reason hated, as a swallow'd bait
On purpose laid to make the taker mad;
Mad in pursuit and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream.
All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.

I memorized, broke down, and analyzed this poem for the next week. By the time I got to class I was ready to read the sonnet and sit down before anyone noticed I was alive. After I recited the poem, I guess my repressed former Christian self just wasn’t quite getting the meaning of it, so Christine made me read it over again. But this time while looking into the eyes of my fellow class mate, Andrew. Now Andrew was a wonderful actor and quite a cutie, but he was rather bohemian (i.e.: not very good friends with hygiene and prone to long discussions about acid trips); not my type at all. I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, opened my mouth and had one of the most sexually liberating experiences of my life.

I am a sensual person by nature but years of going to church just beat it out of me. I guess that all those years of denying my lust and desire made me connect with this poem in a big way. With each line I fell deeper and deeper into the meaning of the words. I lost myself completely and it was just me, Andrew and Big Willie’s sonnet. When it was over everyone in the class just sat there with bemused looks on their faces. Including Andrew.

Today, while reading a poetry anthology, I came across this sonnet and was reminded of this moment. My sex life has come a long way since I was 23, but I remember being that inhibited girl who felt such ignominy towards my sexuality. At 29 I find that I've gone from awakening my loins to understanding the real meaning about this sonnet. I know more about my boundaries, personal satisfaction, requirements and how to make someone else happy (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) because of so-called bad choices.

So go ahead, make mistakes and do shameful things. Even with all of Shakespeare’s "madness" I bet he would never take any of it back. And neither would I.