Monday, January 31, 2005

Oops I did it again...

A friend wrote about the Movie Team America: World Police in his blog so I commented on one of my favorite scenes where the Panama Canal flooded and killed all the puppet people. He wrote that that scene bummed him out because it reminded him of the tsunami. I saw the movie before the tsunami, but I should've realized the parallel between the images. It just didn't register to me. What struck me is how disconnected I have felt from that whole tragic event. I know logically that it is so awful and the loss of human life is overwhelming.
My emotional connection just isn't there.I guess I just don't want to connect to the tragedy. It's so unusual for me not to be empathic to such loss and heartbreak, but it's just not there. I don't know if it's too overwhelming, too distant, or just too much.
I guess part of me is disgusted with the media coverage of the whole event. They put shove camara's in devastated victim's faces and made it entertainment for the western world. "Look how sad it is!" we cry, " We must start helping these poor people! Let's get all of the clothes that are out of season and donate them! Let's get famous people to show how compassionate they are! Let's make this about us!!" Ugh, it's just so gross.
Look, I'm not saying these things aren't helpful and appreciated, but I believe these people need dignity as well as compassion. It would be nice to see people who respect human life over looking like " good" people. Maybe I'm just cynical about the whole thing.
And as harsh as this sounds, this was a natural event and there was nothing that could've stopped or prevented it. Yes there could've been more warning and lives could've been spared. But this is what happened, it's beyond my control. And as I like to say what others won't; it didn't happen to me and it is easy to forget. I hate that I can be that selfish and I have to fight the apathy. Maybe that's why I'm writing this post.
I want these people to be helped and given what they need. There are plenty of folks out there who are good at giving that loving touch. I find that my loving touch can turn into a scary buuldozer at times. I leave it to people who feel the connection to this event and there are plenty of people who do. I hope that people will give of themselves. I hope that my heart will soften for these people.

It's a Heartbreak, nothing but a Heartbreak...

I've been working at my new job for about a month and it is a challenge. Like today I had to tell a young woman, recently widowed, that the money she is depending on to live won't be coming for a few weeks. She went off on me and I let her. What else could I do? I had to excuse myself to the bathroom after the call because I was about to cry. There is one thing that gets to me and it's heartbreak, real heartbreak. Thinking about how desperate that woman sounded still makes me well up. I know that I am tough enough for this job, but this was a hard one.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Johnny Angel, How I Love You...

This is a picture of my new boyfriend, Jon Stewart. I love him so very much. I think he's the one. He's smart, funny, interesting, sexy as all get-out, humble, and has that wonderful streak of self-deprecation that I love so much. He's the man I go to bed with every night and I love him so very much. Thank you for listening.

My lover

My lover
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

The perfect man...

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie a man after midnight...

Top ten signs that I need to get laid....

10-I post sexy pictures of myself on my flickr account in the hopes that someone will tell me I look good.
9.-I TVio soft-core porn on Cinemax.
8-Rubbing big plastic beach balls seems deepy erotic to me.
7-I take a little longer washing certain body parts in the shower.
6-I type naughty messages to my fuck-buddy during work.
5-I listen to my Al Green CD over and over and over and over again.
4-I begin to plot "accidents" against people who brag about their sex lives.
3-I fantasize about every good looking man I see..Okay every man I see.
2-I get so turned on by The Sims 2 that I have to stop and masturbate.

and Finally the number One sign that I need to get laid:
1- haven't had sex in THREE MONTHS!!!!

Monday, January 24, 2005

This was my first one...

Picture 186
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

when I was just eighteen.

I'll tell you what it says...

picture 189 (2)
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

If you ask nicely.

Guess where?

picture 187 (2)
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Not fair if you know...

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Everybody's working for the Weekend!

I had one of those eventful weekends that has given me lots to think about. First I went up to Santa Barbara to visit my sister and start planning her wedding. Becca is getting married in October and I am the maid of honor. One thing I found out was that because of my future brother-in-law, Milan, is Serbian, I get to perform an interesting tradition: I get to sell my sister. Not only that but I get to keep the money. What happens is that a close relative of Milan, like a brother or cousin, will come over to where my sister is staying on the day of the wedding and bargain a price to "buy" a bride. I will try to get a high price, money will be given and Becca will be taken to be married. My sister and I have a rocky past, but we're fine now, yet there is a sweet little feeling of revenge and power in this ritual. And like I said before, I get to keep the money.

Another train of thought I had this weekend is about marriage and coupledom in general. I think I am too busy right now for any kind of relationship and I don't really feel the need for one. Marriage is not something I see happening to me and I feel fine with that. But if I do get married I want say a few things to my future husband:

1. Don't be too tall
2. Compliment me and give me lots of squeezes.
3. Trust that I will stay in a budget.
4. Be easy-going.
5. Think that just about everything I do is adorable.
6. Treat my breasts nicely, they are attached to my body.
7. Be interesting.
8. Give good head.
9. Let me dress you, I'll make you look and feel good.
10. Finally, be as deeply in love with me when I'm eighty as you are now.

It's a simple list, I think.

Friday, January 21, 2005

One Of The Greatest Films Ever Made...

Originally uploaded by Crimpop76. just have to trust me on this one.

I am Woman Hear Me Roar,,,

Yesterday I signed up to volunteer at The Los Angeles Woman's Theatre Festival and I'm pretty excited. I will be doing theatre tech stuff which is right up my alley since I spent five years as a theatre major. Adilah Barnes, the woman who co founded the festival looked so familiar and it wasn't until I got home and looked her up online that I figured it out. She was on the TV show Rosanne and in the HBO movie Iron Jawed Angels. I can't believe I was that close to a woman who worked with Rosanne, the star of one of my favorite "bad" films, She-Devil! I was in the presence of someone who was in the presence of genius and I didn't even know it. Now I just have to act normal in front of her. Oh it will be so hard...

Monday, January 17, 2005

My new watch...

picture 153 (2)
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

It's so green. I love it...and I got it on sale!

Aren't we all?

picture 152 (2)
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

We all should embrace our inner Ralphie.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

I am so close to answering an personal response it's been so long. I can't imagine actually meeting one of these people and having sex with him. I quote Clueless, "I'm really picky about what shoes I wear and those only go on my feet".
I have been working two jobs the last two weeks and it is kinda getting to me. What is really cool is that I have to be more disciplined with my time. I have to figure out when I'm going to eat, sleep, drive, workout, and relax. I usually am very lazy and sit around most of the time, but I have to admit that I'm enjoying all this activity for the moment.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

uhh yeah

Picture 036
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

it's a pleasure

Picture 033
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

I bet

Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

I'm shy

Picture 039
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

A sideways glance

Picture 071
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

I've been waiting so long with these pictures of you...

I had a little debbye love fest tonight. I must've taken over a hundred pictures of myself for no reason other than boredom. Here are some of my favorites.

The More Things Change the More They Stay the Same

I woke up today and watched the end of St Elmos's Fire on cable. While it isn't the finest example of the brat pack's work it still has it's own charm. One subplot that parallels my life is Mare Winningham's desire for independence. Also her late in life loss of her virginity. She, not so unlike myself, fell for the wrong guy, slept with him and then he promptly left town. It's all pretty funny when I look at it now.
Somehow I got to thinking about sex, go figure, while driving home the other day. I was making a case to talk my ex-boyfriend into helping me move when the time came up. My evidence was that we have been friends for two years, I have been there for when he was down, and I let him touch my breasts. Then I got to thinking was the last point a valid one? Is the touching of my breasts special enough to require an ex to move furniture up flight of stairs? So I made a list of all the people who I let touch my breasts. I decided it should be naked breasts in a sexual context to count. When all was said in done I figured since I was nineteen years old, 14 people have touched my breasts, 13 guys and 1 girl. In ten years that figures almost one and a half persons groping me a year. So I think I have a do have a valid argument.
Plus they are nice breasts.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Sappy pathetic little me...

Okay I think I've figured out a little bit about posting pictures and web sites.

Monday, January 10, 2005

My thoughts I confess verge on dirty...

I am feeling much better, not 100%, but better. Thanks for asking.
I need to have a good time. All this work I do makes me realize that weekends are made for fun. Anyways, I am planning to go to a show that my friends are putting on on the 28th. The band's name is Dean is Dead (I can't figure out how to put links in my blogs as well as pictures. I have flickr but I can't figure the damn thing out. Computer illiterate party of one.) and it is chock full of my guy friends. I plan on getting drunk because I don't have to work and I don't have to drive. I haven't been drunk in a long ol'while it's about fucking time to do so.
Speaking of things I haven't done in a long time, I am going to masturbate tonight. There is some soft-core porn on cable tonight and I'm gonna let my fingers do the walking.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

We're the Kids of America

I was just watching two documentaries called "16 Year Old Girls" and "16 Year Old Boys" on MSNBC where they gave three sixteen year old kids a video camaras to document their lives. It was okay, but the one thing that got to me was how the boys had interests and goals like becoming rap artists, tennis stars and going to ivy league colleges. The girls were mainly interested in going to prom and hooking up with boys.
But there was on exception with the girls. This cute little punk rock girl who was in a band and acted in community theatre. She wanted to be a star. She was just so cool and funky. She didn't remind me of myself, but rather of girls who would've been my friends. What was so sad was that her mother kicked her out because she wasn't a clean cut preppy girl like she was in junior high. Anyhow, she ended up doing coke and failing school. All I have to say is if I had a daughter who had passion for something other than getting a boyfriend I would jump for joy. I mean who we are at sixteen is so different than what we eventually become. It just bummed me out.
The Muppets Take Manhattan is on so at least there is one good thing on TV. I just love Miss Piggy. Now there's a pig with style.

There are times when I want something more, someone more like me...

I am a bit down because I can't shake this cold. I also have come to realize that I'm a complete dumbass most of the time. To elaborate would make me even sadder.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

I'm begging for this little lady...

Isn't this always how it is? I was working 10 hours a week for the last two months while I looked for another job and I found one! So of course I get really sick. Uncomfortably can't breathe sick. Hacking cough can't sleep through the night sick. What gets to me is that for the two months I wasn't working as much I was the picture of health. Now that I have to get the energy to work two jobs and (finally) my social life is picking up I get sick. It's like that old folk song says, You take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the Facts of Life, The Facts of Life. Amen ladies, Amen.

Friday, January 07, 2005

I love it when you call me Big Pappa!

There is nothing like driving around LA when it's rush hour traffic and pouring down rain. Needless to say it put me in a grumpy mood. Even my Liz Phair CD couldn't keep me from screaming curses at dumbass drivers. Then this really romantic love song came on and I really felt my loneliness. That feeling has become a stuffed animal in the back of my room that i forget is there until I notice it. It's better now that I have started training, but there is just something missing. But what I have learned about loneliness is that it's not the worst thing one can feel. I think that is clear from recent events that there is worse pain than mine. Much worse.
Yet, I am the center of my life when it comes down to it. I want someone to love and to love me back. It's not like I want to get married or anything, I just want to have something that makes me excited. Something that makes me want to back to the gym. Something that gives me tingles in my warm and cozy places.
But you know if I met that guy I would most likely be here writing about how I wish I could have the bed to myself. Or even worse how he broke my heart. All I know is that its not a good idea to listen to cheesy romantic songs when I'm on my period.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I don't feel good

I have had this tickle in my throat since New Years that has become a full fledged illness. It couldn't have come at a worse time because I have training for my new job. It sucks because it's my first real grown up job and I don't want to fuck it up. But I can't sleep.
There used to be this old commercial for throat spray where this little girl would think "It'll hurt if I swallow, it will hurt if I swallow' Then yells out,"Mommy!" And her mommy comes in with throat spray. Now that I'm a grown up all I can do is watch CNN and the Daily Show and feel sorry for myself. No ones gonna get me throat spray. I have to get up for work at seven in the morning.
One cool thing is that I have that sexy raspy voice that makes me either sound like Kathleen Turner or a drag queen. I feel like calling someone up and talking dirty to him. Man, Steve if you didn't have that fucking girlfriend. At least with a new job there are new possibilities of meeting new guys.
I keep looking down to my left and seeing my copy of "The Female Eunuch" by Germaine Greer. In the name of sisterhood I want to read it but I just can't focus. It's just so damn intense! Those woman had a rough battle to fight and here I am all unable to get through the first chapter. I should hand in my vagina licence, I'm not worthy to drive.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Okay this time it's serious!

I have started and and restarted this motherfucking blog three times. Now it's up for good!!
Anyhow, I am in my third day of training and so far it's not so bad. I will soon be a phone banker for a major Financial Establishment. I will make enough money to get my own place...I can't wait to get a little place and make it my own. It'll be just like Sex in the City.
My new computer is all set up. I finally have an internet connection after seven months of living in 1987. Life is sweet! I can finally email my friends. I know this isn't very interesting but I hope that something dramatic will happen soon.