Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's been three years!

I've been writing this muthafuckin' blog for three years. No, I'm not gonna go into all that has changed in these last few years, because there is too much to say. But it makes me think of commitment and my attitude towards commitment.

Okay, I'll say it: I'm not good with commitment.

I take that back - I'm good with commitment as long as it doesn't require too much from me.

The trouble with that is that most commitment requires effort. Relationships, work, school, exercise, eating healthy, blah, blah, blah - all require effort. I'd rather watch TV or read a good book. I know that I want to have a life I can be proud of so I have to overcome this whole "commitment, ick" attitude that I've been carrying around for most of my life.

Now before this turns into a pollyanna-ifyed "Gee, I'll give it my best" inspirational speech and make everyone puke - I'm gonna make one thing clear: Changing my life is fucking hard and it sucks about 75% of the time. I would love nothing more than to sit on my ass for the rest of my life, get fat and amount to nothing. But if I do this I'll live a short life 'cause I'd end up jumping off a bridge. Living comfortably numb sucks more than hard work, I tell you what.

So, I'm a different person than the girl who started this blog three years ago. Or maybe I'm less ignorant. Or enlightened. I don't know. But I do know that I've made a choice: I'm gonna commit to the path I've started down.

Damn it.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I put the "pro" in procrastination...

I usually get around to this before the year ends, but I've been so damn busy. For reals, yo. (Also, I'm sick as a homeless dog right now so have mercy on my grammical errors.)

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? I went on my first long distance trip on my own. Well, Brian did tag along.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t usually make resolutions, but this year I’ve decided to improve my eating habits. So far I’m doing pretty good.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Some vegan online friends gave birth to happy healthy vegan babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope.

5. What countries did you visit? I pretty much stayed in the States which was a shame.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A happy healthy active body and maybe a boyfriend. Who knows?

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Umm…

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I started school again and stuck with it.

9. What was your biggest failure? I still haven’t fully committed to the course I’ve set out for my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Broken heart? Bruised ego?

11. What was the best thing you bought? My education. And my tweed Chucks.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My friend Kathy, who maintained her dignity during a difficult situation.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The president and his administration, of course. I’ve had some personal heartbreak, but I’m too much of a lady to go into details.

14. Where did most of your money go? My education and credit card payments.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I got my loan so now I can afford to go to go to school, that made me both excited and freaked out.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) richer or poorer? Richer!!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Studying, thinking, reading, sleeping, hanging out with my friends, cooking, going to free movies, kissing younger boys…

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Watching pointless tv, eating crappy food, feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up, procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it with my family and working. It was pretty nice, actually.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? I thought I might’ve, but it wasn’t meant to be.

22. How many one-night stands? Sort of. To explain it would be too difficult.

23. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, My Name is Earl, Project Runway

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope.

25. What was the best book you read? Eat, Pray, Love, despite it being in the Oprah Book Club. It was really good!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Tegan and Sara, Paris Combo, Rilo Kiley, Fiona Apple…

27. What did you want and get? Hmm…not much this year. I got to go on a road trip which I always wanted to do.

28. What did you want and not get? Um…Love. Better grades.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Children of Men and Juno.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31. I’m actually quite content now that I’m in my thirties. I like it.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hmm…I would’ve liked to have at least one relationship to have worked out.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? I don’t have to wear office clothes anymore so it’s way better than the year before. A mixture of conservative and funky that only a select few can pull off.

33. What kept you sane? Wine. School. Talking with my friends and family.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Still Jon Stewart. Always and forever.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Hmm…the general goings on in politics stirs me up like a latte.

36. Who did you miss? My sister (who I don’t get to see that often), Steve, Kathy

37. Who was the best new person you met? My PPK friends, that beautiful boy who sat in front of me in my Psychology of Women class. (This year he's in my Soc class and we've been conversating. Aww yeah!)

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: To thine self be true.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: It’s a long one:

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way around