i just don't know what to do with myself

I think I had too much coffee. You may ask, "Is that possible!?" I'm here to tell you, yes it is.

I have a job that requires me to be physically attached to a computer so there is very little opportunity for movement. I am on the computer during lunch and all breaks because I have no internet access at home.

Yesterday I sat around my apartment feeling bad.

I am still in my funk. I am funky.

I smoked too many cigarettes yesterday. Did I happen to mention I don't smoke? Once I had a smoke and beer then decided to do some yoga. I was very flexible I must say.

I am wearing a brown sweater that my mom hates. I work with my mother and when she sees me in this sweater she always makes some comment about how she hates it so much. I don't see why she's complaining, I stole this sweater from her.

Tonight I will go out with my girlfriends. The boy I'm dating is out of town, but I'd still go out with my girlfriends even if he was here. I don't want to be that girl. The girl who ditches all of her friends for some guy. That girl is deserving of a proper ass kicking.

I must go back to work soon and tell people how they've fucked up their banking accounts.

Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.

I am in one of those moods where I feel like I have so much to say but can't get it out. I'm emotionally constipated I guess. I guess I'm afraid of myself right now. I'm just miserable because I can never be satisfied. I wanted to have a job and my own place in Hollywood and now I have those things. I should be content at least but I feel like everything is going to crash and fail. There is even a boy in my life who likes me who I actually like back! And yet I'm still feeling like at any moment I'm going to be fired, evicted and dumped. Why can't I be happy. I always long for feelings I've had in the past like my father longs for the 1950's. I feel alone in myself. Nothing is like what I thought it would be.

I think I'm unhappy.

Her yellow SUV is now the enemy...

Well I had to visit my folks to get a chance to post without some lame co-worker looking over my shoulder. I hate coming to this neck of the woods because everywhere you go there's some damn soccer mom driving some damn SUV. Ugh, it is so boring out here. I don't feel much like writing so that is all for now.

Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House...

I have finally moved! I'm out of the tiny cave that I called my room and into my new apartment. It doesn't quite feel like mine yet. It's like I'm staying at a hotel and I have to check out soon. I'll take some pictures and put them up as soon as I can get internet access and when my place is clean. I need to get a couch and cable before anything else.

I'm in the breakroom and a delightful episode of "Jerry Springer" is playing behind me. I can't wear shirts that expose my bare midriff but we can watch this crap? Something about that doesn't seem right...

You Can't Dance and Stay Uptight...

I'm rather possessive of my property, even that which has no obvious value. For example I moved a few boxes of books to my storage space until I set up my new apartment. I had to make two trips, therefore I had to leave some of my boxes in my parents pick up truck. my first trip took longer than expected and I got a bit nervous that my stuff would get swiped, seeing that my storage building wasn't in the best neighborhood. I kept checking up on my boxes as I waited for the elevator fearing some tranny prostitute would steal and sell them for crack. Then I chuckled to myself wondering how much my collection of Feminist literature would go for on the blackmarket. I gotta lighten up.

You Feel Like Home to Me...

Well, I'm going to be moving into my own place this weekend and won't be able to get on the internet for a while. So to all my many readers (ahem Kathy, Shawna and Ian) there will not be any postings for a short period of time nor will I be checking my email or myspace messages. So if you need to reach me call me...Or just wait until I get my DSL up. I know it will be tough not to read my witty and insightful posts but somehow you will have to make it through.

Damn, I wish I was your Lover...

Umm...let's just say the date went well. In fact it lasted all weekend.