Monday, June 27, 2005

He's not a rebel no, no, no, no, to me!

I just found out that the only guy at work I think is attractive is going to be my new supervisor. Great, now I have wear makeup.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Fish Heads, Fish Heads, Rolly Polly Fish Heads...

Just when I was about to slit my wrists at the depressing state of my mudane life, my wonderful sister sent me this...Really check it out because it's the funniest goddamn thing I've seen in a while. Click on the menu cards on the right to laugh your ass off.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

Now I don't have to give up chocolate, drinking and smoking. So there.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

La la la la la, I love you...

Finally a movie that replaces Showgirls as the bad movie that I hate to love! Prey for Rock and Roll is jammed packed with dialogue that is so yummy and cliché that it begs to be adored. It has it all! Lesbians, drug addicts, mouthy chicks with tattoos (goddamn it!), rape and tragic death! Oh, I just want to french kiss this movie. My favorite part is when Gina Gershon (also in Showgirls strangely enough) ties up and tattoos "rapist" on the forehead of Tracy's (the bassist) boyfriend after he rapes Sally, the drummer (who reminds me of my friend Melinna circa 1996). Fuck, its the kind of movie I would've loved when I was fifteen.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Oh what a beautiful morning...

One of the many exciting features of the building I recently moved into is a pulse accelerator. What happens is someone will turn on the fire alarm in the dead of the night, say three thirty am, and instantly you wake up from that pesky sleep to find your pulse rate has doubled! No more wondering how your body would react to being awoken from a REM cycle by a loud constant, high-pitched ringing!

Also, you'll get to experience something I like to call "What Should I Do Now?". This is what you do while you're figuring out if this is a real or false alarm. You see after the alarm goes off you wonder if you should get dressed and go outside or just stay in bed or maybe wait until the fire is at your door then jump outside the window. You can't go to sleep until the ringing stops and that could take up to twenty minutes so you gotta fill the time up with something! Some of the activities include covering your ears, sniffing for smoke, plotting the death of the person who tripped the alarm, going to the door and looking out the peephole, popping your head out into the hall and give it an angry glare, waiting for the fire department to break down your door, and my favorite, counting how many hours you have left before you have to wake up and get ready for work (one and a half!). Oh, its great fun.

Just move into my building in Hollywood and you'll find out! It happens randomly at least twice a month, sometimes two nights in a row (if you're lucky!).

Friday, June 17, 2005

Nasty boys...

Okay, another one bites the dust. Boys are nothing but trouble and I'm finished for now. This one was suppose to be a nice guy. Well I'm done with nice guys. Bring on the assholes, at least then you know what you're gonna get. I don't give a shit anymore, you're damned if you do and, well, you know the rest.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Sunshine day!

Today I'm off to help my sister get some shoes for her special day. So far she's just mildly obsessed, not quite a bridezilla. We'll see. Everyday I start to feel as if my life is becoming one of those cheezy chick lit books, complete with absent boyfriends and a sister getting married. All I need to do is get drunk and have some humiliating incident with some sort of support undergarment.

I found this and thought it was funny. Well only to a sister of the bride.

Friday, June 10, 2005

When you pretend that you're dead...

Actual conversations with customer:

Me: How can I help you?

Customer: (in heavy unknown accent): What do I owe the bank?

Me: Well I see that your current balance is $5.00 so you don't anything to the bank.

Customer: (mumble mumble) fees?

Me: Excuse me?

Customer: Can you take off the fees?

Me: Which fees would that be?

Customer: It's (mumble) thirty dollars.

Me: Well you got that fee because you wrote a check and didn't have the funds to pay for it.

Customer: Can you take it off?

Me: I'm sorry but I can't take the fees off unless it was a bank error.

Customer: You can't take the fees off?

Me: No, I'm sorry.

Customer: Why can't you take the fees off?

Me: Because it wasn't due to bank error.

Customer: What do I owe the bank?

Me: Fuck off.

No, not really. My job is so much fun...

Monday, June 06, 2005

I got a new drug...

Best discovery of the week:

If I drink my coffee with sugar and no milk then I can drink more coffee. Who needs that pesky milk getting in the way of that wonderful slice of heaven known as my morning coffee. I think I need to publish this and let the world know...