Shot through the heart!

Actually, shot through the head.



I was a sexy gunshot victim.

(Photo courtesy of Hoveringdog)

Well, I hate to tell you, but...

...this is what really happened after the credits rolled.

"I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?"

There's this boy in my Psychology of Women class who is so handsome that I have a hard time looking him in the eye. Well, today he turned around to hand me a piece of paper, gave me a little grin and I had a realization - he's the spitting image of Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles! Most women around my age have a special place in their hearts for Jake Ryan and there he was two seats in front of me. All of a sudden I was a thirty year old Molly Ringwald hoping that he would notice me enough to show up at my door with his Porsche and the undies I gave to a geek. Then we'd fall in love over a birthday cake. That didn't happen but we did end up in a small group together and bonded over our mutual distain for Evolutionary Psychology. So, that's something...

I bet he's gay.

Here today, thong tomorrow...

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY OF THESE PANTIES:

I pulled into my garage last night and noticed that something was missing. There's a clothesline in my garage next to my washing machine where I hang my delicates and stuff I'm too cheap to dry clean. I noticed there was a big gap on that clothesline where two of my thongs used to be. After investigating closer I realized that they hadn't fallen off - they were gone!! Someone has stolen my thongs!!

Only my thongs were missing, because my blue tiger striped and unicorn boyshorts were left untouched. What the heck? I know that the garage door was left open the day before when I hung the panties out there, so I'm assuming the thong thief struck sometime in-between. I swear, I don't know if I want to live in a world where thongs can't hang on a clothesline without fear of perverts lurking around every corner...

Friday afternoon

I found this interesting article about American Masculinity and how it's so lost and immature. I have been interested in how masculinity is expressed, packaged and sold in America ever since I read Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man, by Susan Faludi, who is mentioned in the article. Anyways, it's an interesting read, so read it already.

I'm home watching Six Feet Under, in a rare moment of off time, and remember why I love this show so much; the self-awareness, quirkiness and realism all mix together with strong female characters who don't obsess about men and shoes. And Claire Fisher was the young adult I wish I could've been. There was a scene in the episode I was watching in which Claire complains to her co-worker about her temp job's manditory pantyhose rule:

No, it's not the brand, I mean they're all the same it's…I mean, I don't understand how having your legs sheathed in this like smooth plastic Barbie leg like encased in a sausage casing would help you do your job better. I mean, doesn't it seem sexist that it's a regulation only for women?

I would say things like this to my co-workers and they would look at me like as if I had said I condoned the murder of butterflies. I was an oddity in that world, just like Claire. Well, I think all the people I worked with were odd, but I was odd in an entirely different way. Anyhoo, here's a favorite clip of mine because I too would daydream while trapped in the constraints of my cubicle and "business attire":

Miranda July

I just read No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July and loved it! It's a collection of short stories which were so intriguing that I read it in one day. July has a unique and honest voice, which made me feel both uncomfortable and consoled at the same time. My favorite short was This Person, because that's how I feel every fucking day:

This person mourns the fact that she has ruined her one chance to be loved by everyone; as this person climbs into bed, the weight of this tragedy seems to bear down upon this person's chest. And it is a comforting weight, almost human in heft. This person sighs. This person's eyes begin to close, this person sleeps.

And to be honest if I could wake up and have anybody's career it would be Miranda July's. Sigh...

Hot and Sour Soup

Being a vegetarian, I always check the ingredients of prepacked food from the supermarket to make sure it's free from animal products. One of the ingredients in a package of Hot and Sour soup mix was pork oil. It made me wonder was the pig was pressed or squeezed to produce this oil? Was there a machine whose sole purpose was to extract pork oil?

Other than that I’ve just been going to school, studying and working. Tonight I’m going out with some of my girlfriends to a local jazz club. Should be fun.


PS: I found this and thought it was funny. Reminds me of a few guys I know...