Goodbye to you

Today is the last day of 2005 and I for one am very happy. This has been one of the hardest years of my life so far and I will be glad to see it go. I'm not sure that 2006 will be any better or worse, but at least it won't be 2005. I won't bore you with all the events of the past year that would cause such ill feelings. Also most of them are mentioned in this blog anyways. I don't even feel like making a highlights list because it's over and that's just how it should be. I just want it to be tomorrow and a whole new year is in front of me.

So, Happy New Year.

I'm too sexy...

Lips for days
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

Hi.

When will they stop

It's a night for laying on the floor of my bathroom listening to sad songs. I like to do that when I get a case of the mean reds. Did you know that the bathroom is the greatest place for the gloomy? In my case it's the only room with a door.

But I don't want to do that, indulge my self-pity. It's feel somehow lame and pointless. It's busy work for an existentialist.

This mood will pass and I'll feel fine again.

Until then I have masturbation.

Happy to be home...

Here's looking at you...
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

...with my new camera.

The Christmas Bells Keep Ringing, Happy Holidays to You...

I love me a good highlights (and lowlights) list and I suspect you do as well. Who wants a long detailed description from some girl in Hollywood of her holiday break? Not me that's for sure. So I present the last few days in small Us Weekly sound bites.


~ Favorite moment: Watching "The Lost Prince" on PBS with my parents while eating tomato bruschetta and drinking lots of coffee.

~ Least favorite moment: Getting into a monster fight with one of my best friends where I ended up huddled in a parking lot crying. I haven't had an irrational emotional break down since last Xmas where I ended up huddled up in the front window of Pottery Barn at the Beverly Center. It seems it isn't Xmas until I cry in public.

~ My neighbors had the loudest sex the other day at about 7 PM. It was like they were up against the wall. Of course I had to turn down my TV, go over to the wall and listen. When they were done I my first instinct was to clap and shout "Well Done!" but I resisted. Then I was angry at their good fortune. Finally, I was sad because I realized I haven't had sex in a long time and as far as I know the future isn't looking so bright either.

~ For Xmas I got: About $1150.00 in cash and prizes, two sweaters, a fake dog, the Tori Amos biography, The Daily Show Desk Calendar, Wonder Woman season two, a big picture frame, and a digital camera.

~ Out of respect for my Jewish heritage I got some Chinese food on my way home tonight.

~ My father was very grumpy the whole weekend. And needy. Made me glad I live in LA.

~ I saw the new Harry Potter movie. Pretty exciting but uneven. Those kids are sure growing up.

Well, that's it. I just want this goddamn year to be over.

With a little help from my friends...

.Every once and a while I need some help, crazy but true. Okay, there's this guy who I used to hang out (have casual sex) with. We have formed a friendship of sorts now that he has a live-in girlfriend. From a conversation we had tonight I believe he's happy with her. I'm happy for him. I just don't understand why he calls me sometime.

I have a few ideas though.

1. He really isn't happy and wants to know there will be sex in his future if he breaks up with this girl.

~ All I can say is there are no guarantees in life, sweetie. You might as well stay with her.

2. He's just checking to see if he still has "it" even though he is happy with his girlfriend.

~I hope we are better friends than that. Don't be lame.

3. He's happy with his girlfriend but hoping for something on the side.

~Keep dreaming and I've had enough bad karma this year.

4. He is strangely compelled to talk to me because my crazy life makes his domestic doldrums seem less tedious.

~Loser :P

5. And what I'm hoping to be true, that we are really friends and he really cares about me.

~Because I care about him and would really want to stay friends with him.

So, my loving readers of BTGUS, what do you think?

Hey child, take a walk on the wildside

It finally happened. I have popped my cherry, you might say.

I had my first celebrity sighting in LA

I have lived in Hollywood for seven months and not one celebrity. It was starting to feel as if Us Weekly was mocking me with all the pictures of celebrities prancing about town. And nothing. My friends would tell their stories of seeing Elijah Woods and how short he really was (he really is a hobbit) or how Christopher Guest really is as funny in person. I would just shrug and say I think I saw Fred Durst driving down the street.
Tonight I went Christmas shopping at the Beverly Center and Borders across the street and was planning on going home when I decided to stop at Old Navy for some pants. I almost didn’t go in but I needed some new pants to cover up my newly ample ass. I finished my shopping and was standing in the long line when I saw a six foot tall black woman with the largest blue knit hat that I have ever seen. She turned around and I saw her face. I thought to myself, She looks like Macy Gray, I bet she gets that all the time.
So the line moved and I kept an eye on this very tall woman who looked like Macy Gray. She made her way up to the counter and some man walked up to her and said, I love your music. And in a baby squeaky voice she said, Thank you baby. Oh fuck, it is Macy Gray!
Now you all might be thinking to yourself, what would Macy Gray be doing in Old Navy? Shopping for trendy yet affordable clothes, of course. Why else would anyone come to Old Navy? I haven’t listened to Macy Gray’s music since my first real heartbreak a few years ago and I loved that song about the world crumbling without her dysfunctional man hanging around. I related a lot. So why am I so impressed with seeing her?
Because she’s a fucking celebrity! She’s been to the MTV music awards, she’s played the Conan O’Brian show, she’s been on the radio. And I saw her shopping for reasonably priced clothes. That’s one of the reasons I came to LA, to see movie stars and the like just living their lives. But now I’m hungry for more! I want to see Lionel Richie at the Save-On. I want to see Pamela Anderson pumping gas and yelling at her kids. I want to see Ben Affleck give his baby her first frappacino.

I guess that’s what happens when you leave your apartment once and a while.

I want off

The way I figure it since September I've:

*Been fired
*Started a new job
*Was fired again after 3 and 1/2 days
*Had to be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding
*Turned 29
*Started another new job
*Drove to Vegas and back in the span of 36 or so hours
*Caught a cold that appears to be turning into some sort of lung infection
*Was almost evicted
*Got into a minor traffic accident with the most uptight person I've ever met
*And most recently almost had my car impounded because I was driving on an expired Driver's Licence
*Tomorrow I have to go down to the DMV to renew my licence and then I have to go appear in court before February 3rd with proof of my renewal.

But for some reason I'm not imploding. I don't even want to curl up in my bed and pretend that the world doesn't exist. There is no stopping it, this life. It's going to hurl at five thousand miles an hour and I just have to hold on. It's no longer a matter of can I handle it, because I have to. I have no choice. I can't even cry. I'm just so tired.

Chik-chica-chik--aaa...

My wonderful dad likes to email his girls (me, my sister and my mom) various words of wisdom every week. I just wanted to share this week's quote:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." (From "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off")

Isn't he the cutest! He just loves that movie.

I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight

Along with flaming hot painfully swollen breasts, PMS also makes me inclined towards the philosophical and introspective. Mundane moments cause hours of reflection and thought. It drives me crazy, but I can't stop doing it! For example I left a breakfast glass of juice out the other day and when I came home from work I saw a fruitful fruitlessly (ha!) trying to escape it's clutches.

I had two options: save it or let it die. Now I hate fruit flies! They buzz around like they own the place. Goddamn fruit flies landing on my plate of food. Awful little buggers. But I also don't like to see suffering of helpless creatures. Watching it swim around knowing that it was going to die made me strangely sad. Was my hate for what this creature represented bigger than my compassion? I seriously thought about this on and off all night.

Just to let you know my hatred won out. I ended up putting one of the coasters I bought in France over the glass. Plus the life span of the fruitful is short anyway.

Did you Know? Could You Tell?

Did you know...

...That you can have an orgasm without any genital contact?
Maybe it's all the Anais Nin I'm reading before bed but I've been having some crazy sex dreams.

...That there are lots and lots of lawyers who peruse match.com?
I know because they all seem to respond to my profile.

...That most people are full of shite?
Well, it's true.

...That Now and Laters get really warm and squishy when you put them in your bra?
Don't ask how I found that one out...

...That Roasted Garlic Hummus and Whole Wheat Pita Bread from Trader Joe's is a perfectly acceptable dinner?
Yum!

...I have forgotten how the frogs must sound
After a year of silence, else I think
I should not so have ventured forth alone
At dusk upon this unfrequented road.

I am waylaid by Beauty. Who will walk
Between me and the crying of the frogs?
Oh, savage Beauty, suffer me to pass,
That am a timid woman, on her way
From one house to another!

--Assault ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

...That gift cards make a great presents for that girl-on-the-go?

...That I'm tired and don't want to do this anymore

Nobody said it was easy...

I'm reading Spy in the House of Love by Anais Nin which reminds me of the only really good night I spent with my ex. We were watching Henry and June and, well, we had our own X-rated moment. Anyhoo, I bought the book in London a few years ago and didn't get around to read it until now. (I have lots of unread books) My favorite quote so far:

The first time he looked at her he felt: everything will burn!

Pretty neat, huh? I find I take the easy way out of lots of things and when a book requires some effort I stop reading. That is one nasty habit I am trying to end. It doesn't hurt that this book is only 124 pages long.

So, one thing I plan on using this blog for is writing about the books I'm reading. Writing about the books I'm reading? Okay, I'll let that sentence go if you do.

The End Of The Road...

I have stuff I want to post but I just don't feel like using my brain, so here's a survey I did on myspace.

(Also, a moment of silence for Sir Richard Pryor.)


1) Where did you graduate from and what year?
MoHi! Class of 1995

2) Did you have school pride?
Uh, no.

3) Was ur Prom a night to remember?
No. I only remember meeting a twentysomthing bartender.

4) What was ur fav. song you danced to the night of PROM?
I didn't even dance. From an old picture, I know the theme was "Illusions of Paradise". See, we couldn't have actual paradise only illusions.

5) Do you own all 4 Yearbooks ?
Yep, just so all my friends could tell me how much they love me.

6) Do you remember the First CD you ever bought?
Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits when I was sixteen.

7) What was your fav. Movie in Highschool?
Either Tank Girl or Reality Bites.

8) What was your number 1 choice of College in HS?
Umm...I wasn't sure I wanted to go to college.

9) What radio station did you jam out to in highschool?
106.7 K-ROC

10) Were you involved in any organizations or clubs?
Um, Drama, choir, the Asian Club, SOME, Key Club...

11) What was ur fav class in Highschool?
I liked Art because it was right after lunch and my hippie teacher didn't care if I was late.

12) Who was your big crush in Highschool?
Mike Eddy!!


13) Would you say you've changed a lot since high school?
Um, not really. Just more confidence and less caring about what people think of me.

14) What do you miss the Most about it?
No bills or full time job.

15) What was your best memory HS?
Any time I hung out with Kathy and Jennifer

16) Your worst memory of HS?
Just feeling like a worthless piece of shite most of the time

17) Did you have a car?
My parents car.

18) What were your school colors?
Black and silver, I think

19) who was your fav. teacher?
I liked Mr. Bird

20) Did you own a cell phone in highschool?
Uh, no. It was the early nineties and cell phones were costly and weighed a ton.

21) Did you leave campus for lunch?
During Senior year

22) If so, where was your fav. place to go eat?
Burger King or Yum Yum Donuts or the mall

23) Were u always late to class?
No I was a pretty good kid.

24) Did you ever have to stay for Sat. School?
No, no breakfast club life for me.

25) Did you ever Ditch?
Yes

26) When it comes time for the reunion will you be there?
It just passed and I didn't go.

27) Did you have any physical fights?
Almost. Black girls always wanted to kick my ass.

28) Did you have a lot of friends?
I knew lots of people, but only had a small circle of fries.

29) Did you have a lot of enemies?
not that I know of

30) Did you have good grades?
I graduated with a 3.8 gpa

When the Man Comes to Town

I didn't feel like posting since I'm so icky-sicky, but this article made me change my mind. Also, check this one out. I always knew Christian music was crap, even when I was a christian.

God I feel like hell tonight

On top of a constant cough, the loss of my voice, a stuffy nose and full time job, I had one more reason to want to slit my wrists in a warm bath tonight. There was a note with my rent check on my apartment door that told me that I had to pay with a cashier's check because it was a day late. So I had to go to a bank and get the damn check at 6PM. Pure hell. I rounded the amount up and there should be a 73 cent credit on my account. To make sure of that I added a little note saying, 'that extra $.73 had better be credited to my account.'

I still have my pride.

And on top of it all, my damn neighbor is playing U2. Not the cool mullet and skin tight black jeans U2, but over inflated ego, "1, 2, 3...14" ipod endorsing U2. I'm filling my tub and setting out the razor blades. Anyone want to join me?

Any Place is Home...

Any Place is Home...
Originally uploaded by Crimpop76.

You Feel Like Home To Me...

Being fired twice in the span of two weeks freaked me out on a level close to hell. I thought I was going to lose my apartment and have to move back in with my parents. My place soon became the outlet where I deposited all my rancor for my unemployment situation.
When I found out I got this new job, one of my first moves was to take my books out of storage. Let me tell you that was one of the most joyful moments I've had in a long time. Finally I feel like I'm home.